


False Pretenses

by notionally



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bickering, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Holding Hands, Humor, Jealousy, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2019-11-12 21:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 36,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18019052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notionally/pseuds/notionally
Summary: When Changkyun finds out that Hoseok, his ex-friends with benefits, is in a new relationship, he panics and makes up a fake boyfriend of his own. A misunderstanding leads to Hoseok thinking said fake boyfriend is Chae Hyungwon, someone Changkyun knows through mutual friends but barely.Changkyun decides to go along with it. Now he just needs to convince Hyungwon to do the same.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to the hyungkyun fake dating au that I've been itching to write for ages! my goal is to fill this fic with all of my favourite tropes and make it the fake dating au of my dreams. it's gonna be funny and light-hearted, but with the slightest smattering of light angst towards the end. I hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> moodboard [here, on my twitter](https://twitter.com/notionxally/status/1103308586422358023)

 

 

 

“I need a favour.”

Jooheon sighs heavily and looks up as Changkyun drops into the seat across from him. “I’m trying to have lunch,” he whines. “Is whatever you're about to say going to give me indigestion?”

Changkyun gasps in exaggerated shock and clasps one hand to his chest. “I'm hurt,” he complains. “I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't important — please, hyung?”

This makes Jooheon pout. “You never call me hyung unless you want something _bad,”_ he says grumpily. They're both in their second year of university, but Changkyun skipped a grade in primary school so he's technically Jooheon's junior. It's something they’ve jokingly argued about ever since they were in high school together.

“But you _are_ my hyung,” insists Changkyun, his voice sugary sweet.

“All my alarm bells are ringing,” Jooheon replies, pressing one finger to his temple, “but you're cute, so _fine_ — what do you want?”

Changkyun beams at Jooheon. “I need you to be my boyfriend.”

It's a sign of how used he is to Changkyun's eccentricities, Jooheon thinks, that he isn't more surprised by the request. “Changkyun-ah,” he starts, voice weighed down with tiredness, “no offence, but — what the fuck?”

Changkyun shrugs, leans back in his chair. “I just need you to come to a party with me, and pretend to be my boyfriend.”

Jooheon narrows his eyes. “Does this have anything to do with Hoseok hyung?”

“Maybe,” demurs Changkyun, dragging out the word. “He invited me to a party this weekend.”

“And what, you want me to pretend to be your boyfriend to make him jealous?” Jooheon asks. “Kyun-ah, I don't think getting a fake boyfriend is going to make him change his mind. Didn't he want to end your friends with benefits arrangement because he has a boyfriend now?”

Changkyun purses his lips primly. “I believe his exact words were, ‘it might not be anything’ and ‘don't want to jeopardise it’. No mention of an actual boyfriend.”

This makes Jooheon roll his eyes. “Not the point,” he counters. “Point is, inventing a fake boyfriend isn't going to achieve anything.”

“I hear what you're saying, and it's completely valid,” agrees Changkyun, nodding sagely. Jooheon has a bad feeling about this already, and the sense of unease intensifies when Changkyun adds, “Now if only I could have received your wise advice _before_ the conversation I had with Hoseok hyung.”

Jooheon rubs one hand across his face. His food sits in front of him, largely untouched. “Changkyun, what have you done?”

A small, thin chuckle escapes Changkyun. “I _might_ have panicked when he told me he wanted to end things, and so I tried to pretend that I wasn't actually hitting on him. But then he didn't _believe_ me!” Changkyun sounds outraged at this.

“But you _were_ hitting on him,” Jooheon points out. He’s heard the story of this conversation with Hoseok. But not, apparently, the full story.

“Irrelevant!” exclaims Changkyun. “The thing is, I had to leave with my dignity intact, and so — to get him to believe me — I claimed that I had a boyfriend too.”

Jooheon groans. “Changkyun-ah…”

“And now,” continues Changkyun, cutting Jooheon off and swinging one arm in the air emphatically, “he's invited me to a party, and said I should bring my boyfriend along!”

“Why can't you just say your boyfriend can't make it?”

Changkyun makes a strangled sort of noise in the back of his throat, like he can't even believe Jooheon would ask that. “Hoseok hyung said it'd be _nice to meet him._ That's obviously a challenge — he doesn't believe I have a boyfriend.”

Jooheon scrunches up his face. “I really don't think that's what he meant.”

Changkyun waves a hand at Jooheon dismissively. “Regardless,” he says, “I want to see this through, so I need a fake boyfriend.”

Jooheon sighs. No point trying to talk Changkyun out of it, then. He hums contemplatively as he turns his attention back to his food, picks up a small slide of pickled radish and pops it into his mouth. “Doesn't Hoseok hyung already know who I am, though?”

“Yeah, but we can say we went from best friends to lovers or something — _I don't know,_ we'll figure it out.”

Jooheon waggles his chopsticks at Changkyun. “Please don't say ‘we’ — it makes me more a part of this than I am or want to be.”

And then, going completely against his express desire to be kept out if it, he offers, “Honestly, though — and not just because I don't want to be involved in this hare-brained scheme — I don't think Hoseok hyung will believe you if you say that I'm your boyfriend. If it was me, you would have just told him that instead of vaguely mentioning an unnamed boyfriend.”

Changkyun runs both of his hands through his hair in frustration. “You may have a point,” he concedes. For a second, he looks mildly dejected. Then his eyes light up again.

“Oh no,” Jooheon starts. “I don't like that look in your eyes. Kyun, just give up on the idea!”

“Never!” shouts Changkyun emphatically, already leaping to his feet. “I'm going to go ask Kihyun hyung, Hoseok hyung doesn't really know him.”

Jooheon splutters. “As if Kihyun would play along!” he calls out as Changkyun turns and starts to head back out of the dining hall.

Changkyun waves at him over his head, not even bothering to turn back. “Ki loves me, I'll convince him!” he declares confidently. Jooheon watches him leave. This can only end in disaster.

  


 

* * *

 

  


Changkyun stands outside the art and design faculty, rocking back and forth onto his heels. He knows Kihyun has a lecture that's due to end in ten minutes, plans to accost and hopefully convince him through sheer power of puppy dog eyes. Kihyun has a soft spot for him and Changkyun knows this, delights in exploiting it for frivolous gain.

“Hey — Changkyun, right?”

A familiar voice breaks Changkyun out of his devious reverie. He startles, blinks at the source of the noise. A tall man is standing in front of him, holding a large art folio in one hand and sweeping his fringe back from his face with the other. Changkyun recognises him, vaguely, as one of the models Kihyun sometimes uses in his photography projects. They've met a handful of times before, through Kihyun.

“Uh, yeah,” Changkyun replies, frantically scanning through his brain for a name. No success. “Hi, um—” He trails off feebly.

The man laughs. “Hyungwon, Chae Hyungwon,” he supplies. “We met at Kihyun's photography exhibition last year?” Amongst other times, Changkyun thinks. Thankfully, Hyungwon doesn't point out the rudeness of Changkyun forgetting his name.

“I remember you,” Changkyun says, nodding. Hyungwon's very handsome, slender and well-proportioned, with a face that might as well have been carved from marble. He’s not someone you'd easily forget. But Changkyun doesn't say any of that, just smiles sheepishly. “I'm waiting for Kihyun hyung,” he explains. “Have you seen him?”

Hyungwon shakes his head. “I saw some of the photography majors coming out of the lecture theatre, though,” he says helpfully. “He should be out soon.”

“Cool, thanks,” he mumbles. Starts to step backwards, gesturing with one arm. “I'll let you go then—”

But he’s cut off when Hyungwon lets out a sudden yelp of surprise, snatches hold of Changkyun's wrist, yanks him forward. Changkyun stumbles, knocking into Hyungwon. His hands fly up to Hyungwon's chest. Hyungwon’s other hand, the one not clutching onto Changkyun's wrist, is resting on Changkyun's hip as best it can without dropping the art folder he's holding.

“Watch where you're going!” Hyungwon shouts past Changkyun. “No cycling on the pavements!”

Out of the corner of his eye, Changkyun can see a cyclist zooming past them, completely ignoring Hyungwon’s admonishments and the fact that he'd almost run Changkyun over.

“Are you okay?”

Hyungwon's looking down at him with obvious concern. He's really pretty up close, Changkyun thinks. As soon as he thinks that, he realises that he's basically ensconced in Hyungwon's arms, and leaps backwards in surprise — this time, mercifully, not into the path of any oncoming cyclists.

“I'm fine, thanks,” replies Changkyun. He shoots Hyungwon a close-lipped smile and two thumbs up. “Super duper.”

This, for some reason, draws a low chuckle from Hyungwon. “Good to know,” he says.

“Changkyun?”

Not for the first time that day, Changkyun nearly jumps out of his skin. “Holy shit, why do people keep sneaking up on me?” he snaps in irritation, heart pounding.

Then he turns around.

Standing behind him, grinning stupidly and looking frustratingly handsome, is none other than Hoseok.

“Hyung!” Changkyun blinks. “What are you doing here?”

Hoseok gestures down the path. “The education faculty is over there,” he explains. His eyes dart over to Hyungwon. “I suppose this must be — you know…”

Changkyun stares blankly as Hoseok trails off. It takes him a second to get what Hoseok's asking — and then it clicks in his head. Hoseok thinks Hyungwon is his boyfriend. Changkyun lets out a loud shout of alarm, to stop either Hoseok or Hyungwon from saying anything more. They both look at him oddly.

“Yeah!” Changkyun yells, in response to Hoseok’s implied question. He can feel the ache in his cheeks from how widely he’s beaming at Hoseok. “Yes, indeed, this is — yes.” He laughs exaggeratedly. Slaps Hyungwon on the arm for effect. It makes Hyungwon raise an eyebrow at him, which Changkyun ignores.

Hoseok nods, smiling warmly. Introduces himself to Hyungwon, who does the same. They shake hands and chat for a few moments before Hoseok bids them farewell. Changkyun is a ball of nerves throughout the entire interaction, cackling over-enthusiastically and randomly interrupting Hoseok and Hyungwon to stop them from getting too chatty. It's all over within minutes, but by that time Changkyun thinks he might pass out from the stress.

“What was that about?” Hyungwon asks slowly, as they watch Hoseok walk away. He turns back and fixes Changkyun with a suspicious gaze.

Changkyun grins feebly. “Long story! Doesn't matter!”

Hyungwon doesn’t look like he believes Changkyun, but Changkyun doesn’t stick around to be grilled. He backs away from Hyungwon, waving goodbye with both hands.

“Look at the time!” he shouts. “Gotta go! See you around!”

And then he turns and bolts. He vaguely hears Hyungwon mutter something about ‘weren’t you waiting for Kihyun’, but by the time Hyungwon gets the sentence out, Changkyun’s already whipping round the corner and disappearing out of view.

  


 

* * *

 

  


“This is a terrible idea,” Kihyun says. His eyes flick over to the entrance of the restaurant. “Maybe it’s not too late for us to make a run for it.”

Changkyun pouts, cupping his chin in his hands. “Hyung,” he whines, “you can’t go — you’re the only one here who’s friends with him.”

A scowl crosses Kihyun’s face. “I might not be his friend after this,” he grumbles. “Not after luring him into this trap.”

“Not a trap,” replies Changkyun. “You told him that your friend needs a favour, and that’s the truth.”

Jooheon, next to Changkyun, raises a finger into the air like he’s asking for permission to speak. Kihyun and Changkyun turn to look at him. “I’m not friends with this Hyungwon person at all — does that mean I’m allowed to leave?”

Changkyun smacks Jooheon’s hand back down. “No! You’re my best friend, you’re here for moral support!”

Kihyun presses the heels of his hands into his eye sockets. “When Hyungwon texted to ask if my ‘little friend’ was okay, I should have just said yes and been done with it. I should never have asked you what happened!”

“Shh, hyung, it’s too late for regrets now,” Changkyun murmurs, reaching across the table to pat Kihyun on the shoulder reassuringly.

“It’s certainly too late to leave,” Jooheon pipes up. He nods towards the front of the restaurant. Hyungwon’s talking to the host, eyes scanning the room in search of them. Changkyun sees the moment he spots them, starts walking over.

Changkyun feels his stomach churn at the sight of Hyungwon, and the realisation that he actually has to go through with this now. To sit down in front of a virtual stranger, and ask them to be his fake boyfriend. It’s the stuff of movies — and bad romance movies, at that.

“Oh, fuck,” Changkyun breathes. Kihyun turns round to peer at Hyungwon walking over towards them, then groans into his hands.

“Hello,” Hyungwon greets as he sits down next to Kihyun. Nods at each of them in turn. “Kihyun. Changkyun. And — Jooheon, am I right?”

Jooheon beams at Hyungwon, evidently pleased that Hyungwon had remembered his name from the few times they’d met. “Yes!” he says delightedly. “Thank you for coming to dinner with us.”

At this, Hyungwon seems to remember the ominous reason he had been invited out by Kihyun. He raises an eyebrow at them. “Of course,” he starts, sounding understandably wary. His eyes come to rest on Changkyun. “Kihyun said you needed a favour from me.”

Changkyun swallows nervously, dries his palms on his jeans. “Uh, yes,” he mumbles. Glances at Kihyun and Jooheon for help. Jooheon just shoots him a shit-eating grin, obviously enjoying Changkyun’s misery. Kihyun is glaring at him. _‘Go on,’_ he mouths fiercely.

Time to bite the bullet. Changkyun takes a deep breath.

“I need you to be my fake boyfriend!”

Hyungwon lips part in surprise. They’re all frozen in place, waiting for Hyungwon. When he finally speaks, it’s to say one single word: “What?”

It's at the precise moment that the waiter chooses to swoop down upon them, pen and pad in hand. “Hello, I’m here to take your order!” he chirps. Changkyun, in surprise, yelps and does a little hop in his seat. The waiter looks just as alarmed by Changkyun as Changkyun was by him. “Or if you need a little more time…”

Kihyun offers an apologetic smile. “Can we have a couple of minutes, please?”

Hyungwon’s still staring at Changkyun, even as the waiter walks away. It’s almost unnerving, the way Hyungwon’s just _looking_ at him like that. Changkyun clears his throat. “Did you, um — did you hear what I said?”

Finally, Hyungwon moves. He sits up straighter, runs one hand through his hair, the way he’d done when Changkyun had bumped into him outside the art faculty. Changkyun wonders idly why he remembers that.

“I heard you,” Hyungwon says. “I suppose this has to do with that guy we met? Hoseok, was it?”

Changkyun nods. “Yeah — I, uh, might have told him that I have a boyfriend. But I don’t. Have a boyfriend, I mean,” he starts to explain. His words trip over each other. This sounds stupid out loud, but he’s gone too far to stop now. “He saw us talking, and assumed you were my boyfriend,” Changkyun continues sheepishly. “I panicked, and went along with it, and now — here we are.”

Another silence falls.

This time, Kihyun’s the one to break it.

“Look,” he says, turning to Hyungwon. “Changkyun here is a little — well, he’s a handful.” Changkyun makes a noise of protest, but Kihyun ignores him and barrels on. “This is an incredibly weird request, and you shouldn’t feel _any_ pressure to agree to it.”

Hyungwon hums, deep in thought. He glances from Kihyun to Changkyun. “Why?” he asks.

Changkyun frowns at him. “Why what?”

“Why did you tell this guy you had a boyfriend?”

Jooheon lets out a bark of laughter. Changkyun elbows him in the ribs. “No reason,” Changkyun mumbles. He can feel his cheeks heating up. “Stupid reason.”

“So — you like him?”

Now Changkyun’s cheeks are really aflame. “Maybe,” he demurs.

“By maybe, he means _definitely,”_ adds Jooheon in a stage-whisper.

The corner of Hyungwon’s lips quirks upwards. “If I were to accept, what do you need me to do?”

Kihyun gapes at Hyungwon. “You can’t seriously be thinking about agreeing to this.”

“Hyung, stop undermining me,” whines Changkyun. Both Kihyun and Hyungwon ignore him.

“I’ve seen enough movies about fake relationships to know that someone always ends up falling in love,” replies Hyungwon. “But if he likes this other guy — then he’s not going to fall in love with me.”

And that — that’s just arrogant. Changkyun scoffs loudly. “Excuse me,” he objects, sharply. “I will _not_ fall in love with you. How do I know you’re not going to be the one to fall in love with me?”

Hyungwon turns his attention back to Changkyun. He shrugs, leans back in his seat. “I don’t fall in love with people,” he says, matter-of-factly. “People fall in love with me.”

Something crackles in the air between them, something like a challenge.

“No one is falling in love with anyone,” interrupts Kihyun, holding his hands out between Hyungwon and Changkyun as if to stop them from physically launching themselves at each other and brawling it out.

“I take it this is a bad time?”

All four of them look up. Their waiter is hovering awkwardly by the table, looking like he regrets ever coming over. They don’t need to say anything — he takes one look at them and just starts slinking away.

Hyungwon rests his chin in one hand. “Anyway,” he says, continuing on like they hadn’t been interrupted at all, “I don’t mind, as long as it’s not too much of a hassle. What do you need me to do?”

Changkyun furrows his brow in confusion. He can’t read this guy at all. Not that it matters. They’re going to do this one thing together, and then be on their separate ways. “There’s a party this Saturday,” he says. “We’re all going. I need you to come with.”

“Fine,” Hyungwon says, without missing a beat. “I’ll do it.”

Kihyun still looks like he’s in utter disbelief. “I can’t believe you’re down with this.”

Hyungwon just shrugs. “Could be fun,” he says. “Plus, if word gets round that I have a boyfriend, maybe people will stop asking me out all the time.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. If Hyungwon notices, he doesn’t say anything.

“I guess we have a deal,” Changkyun says.

Hyungwon fixes him with a steely gaze. “Yeah,” he replies. “I guess we do.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a short first chapter to set the scene! next up: the party
> 
> please leave a kudos/comment if you liked it :) and come talk to me @notionxally on twitter or cc


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

Hyungwon ends up having lunch with them for the next couple of days before the party. Changkyun supposes it makes sense, to give them a bit of time to get to know each other, make sure they have their story straight. But he can't help the lingering sense of discomfort that crawls beneath his skin. For all Kihyun says about him being chaotic, he can still barely believe that he's going through with this. It's ridiculous, even for him.

Thankfully or otherwise, Hyungwon doesn't seem to share Changkyun’s unease at all. He slots easily into their group, sassing Kihyun and babying Jooheon in turn. Changkyun ends up feeling like the one who's out of place.

“Hey,” Hyungwon's saying suddenly, from next to Changkyun. Leaning in really close, whispering into Changkyun’s ear. It makes Changkyun startle. Hyungwon doesn't notice, or doesn't say anything. “Isn't that your Hoseok guy?”

Changkyun looks up, scans the room. It probably is him — they are in the largest dining hall on campus, after all, and it is lunchtime. But still, Changkyun's hoping Hyungwon is wrong.

Hyungwon's not wrong. Changkyun's gaze falls on Hoseok, at the far end of the room, picking his tray up off the end of the buffet line. 

He’s not alone.

“Oh my god,” Changkyun breathes. “Nobody look at him, maybe he won't notice us.”

“Who's that with him?” Hyungwon asks, ignoring Changkyun. “Is that his new boyfriend?” They’ve briefed Hyungwon on the situation, but apparently Hyungwon's chosen to forget that Changkyun very explicitly said that Hoseok had never used the word ‘boyfriend’.

Changkyun is about to point this out, when the tall, broad shouldered man Hoseok is with says something that makes Hoseok giggle, and lean up to kiss him on the cheek. The words die in Changkyun's throat. His stomach twists.

“Call him over,” Hyungwon says. “Might as well get this show on the road.”

“No way, I’m not ready!” hisses Changkyun.

“Ready for what? You don't have to do anything, just play along,” Hyungwon argues. He turns to Jooheon. “Call him over,” he instructs.

Changkyun glares at his best friend. “Do not call him over!”

Jooheon giggles. “Sorry Kyunnie,” he says, and Changkyun doesn't even have time to reach over and attempt to silence him before Jooheon is waving and yelling, “Hoseok hyung, over here!”

Kihyun’s watching this entire exchange with unveiled amusement. “Why do I get the sense that you're having fun with this?” he asks Hyungwon, who just grins and shrugs.

“Hey, guys,” Hoseok's saying as he walks over. His well-built friend follows him over. Changkyun scowls.

“It's nice to see you again,” Hyungwon says politely. And then, without warning, he slings one arm around Changkyun's shoulder. The heat of his sudden closeness burns through Changkyun's skin. He freezes, sits immobile, staring up at Hoseok.

Hoseok eyes this interaction, but doesn't comment on it. He nods towards the guy with him. “This is my, um — this is Hyunwoo.”

Hyunwoo smiles at them, eyes crinkling into crescents as he does so. He's cute, Changkyun thinks, somewhat bitterly. It makes him feel small and insignificant and unattractive in comparison.

Changkyun's friends make the necessary introductions, say their hellos to Hyunwoo. But Changkyun just really wants the conversation to be over.

Just when it looks like Hoseok and Hyunwoo are about to leave, Hoseok pauses. He's looking between Changkyun and Hyungwon. “I'm so happy you found someone,” he blurts out, abruptly. Grins sheepishly at Changkyun. “I mean — you're a great guy, you deserves someone who’ll take care of you.”

Changkyun squirms under the sudden attention. “Yeah,” he mumbles. “Lucky me.”

“I'm the one who’s lucky to have you,” Hyungwon pipes up. He beams at Changkyun, affection dripping from his voice.

Hoseok giggles. “You guys are cute,” he says as he turns to leave. Throws them a backwards grin and calls out, “I'll see all of you at the party tomorrow!”

Once Hoseok disappears from their line of sight, Changkyun groans and buries his face in his hands. “That was so awkward,” he whines.

“Actually, the only person being awkward was you,” points out Kihyun. Changkyun raises his head to shoot him a glare.

Hyungwon removes his arm from around Changkyun's shoulders. Changkyun can feel the intensity of his gaze, can feel himself being scrutinised, but chooses to ignore it. 

“You really like him, don't you?”

Changkyun shakes his hand vehemently. “No, I don't,” he insists. “It's just — weird, and I don't like it. That's all.”

That's all there is. That's all.

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


Changkyun looks at himself in the mirror. He tried to style his hair, but he didn't do a great job and some strands are falling messily into his eyes. He likes his loose t-shirt and his black skinny jeans, but he can't help thinking that he would look better if he were taller — like Hyungwon — or more muscular — like Hoseok, or even Hyunwoo. 

But he is what he is, with his small frame and sharp jaw and at least his nails look cool painted black. He tries not to fuss at his outfit too much as he waits.

Kihyun's already here, in the living room with Jooheon. They're just waiting for Hyungwon now, because “it just makes more sense for a couple to arrive together”. Those were Hyungwon's exact words.

His phone lights up, and Changkyun peeks at the screen. Message from Hyungwon.

_ Right outside your building. See you in a bit. _

Changkyun shoves the phone into his back pocket, walks out into the living room to join his friends. “Hyungwon's almost here,” he says, at the same time that the doorbell rings. Jooheon looks at him in disbelief, like Changkyun's just performed some magic trick. “What?” asks Changkyun, as he wanders over to the intercom to buzz Hyungwon into the building. “He texted me.”

“You're texting now?” asks Jooheon, as if that's something to be shocked by.

“I had to tell him our address somehow,” Changkyun replies. “Don't make a fuss.”

Thankfully, Jooheon doesn't get to go on about how Changkyun doesn't text anyone, doesn't even respond to his best friend, because a knock on the door announces Hyungwon's arrival. 

When Changkyun opens the door to let him in, he freezes for a moment. Hyungwon looks  _ good.  _ Like, really good. He's just in jeans and a t-shirt and a grey blazer, a couple of silver necklaces dangling round his neck, but he looks effortlessly impeccable. His dark hair is swept of his forehead in a way that looks completely natural, but that surely looks too good to have been accidental.

“Damn, son, looking fine,” whistles Jooheon lowly, grabbing his leather jacket off the sofa and getting to his feet. He elbows Changkyun teasingly. “You can stop staring now, Kyunnie.”

Hyungwon gives Changkyun a wink. “Don't go falling in love with me, kid.”

That certainly snaps Changkyun out of his daze. “I am not falling in love with you, and I am not a kid!” he objects, snatching up his jacket and trailing out of the flat behind Hyungwon, leaving Jooheon and Kihyun to lock up. “You're only a year ahead of me!”

“Yes, but two years older than you,” Hyungwon points out.

This is true, but still Changkyun gapes at Hyungwon. “How do you know that?”

Hyungwon glances back at him. “You told me that,” he says. There's laughter evident in his voice. “Two days ago, after you explained that you're a music major with a minor in computer science, and that you want to rap but also develop video games…”

Changkyun hurries after Hyungwon. Damn him and his long legs. “How did you remember all of that?”

“With my big brain,” replies Hyungwon, without missing a beat. Changkyun's about to grumble and possibly — probably — say something rude, when Hyungwon suddenly stops in his tracks. “Give me your hand.”

Changkyun frowns at the non sequitur. “What?”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes, reaches over and snatches Changkyun's hand up in his own. “We're dating now, we should hold hands.” Even though the house where the party's being held is still a ten minute walk away. Even though there's no one around to see them except for Kihyun and Jooheon. 

But Changkyun doesn't say any of that. Just lets Hyungwon slot their hands together, the two of them standing there in the warm yellow glow of the streetlights.

“Oi, lovebirds!” Kihyun shouts from somewhere behind them. Changkyun turns to see him and Jooheon speed-walking towards them. “Wait up!”

Hyungwon laughs, throwing his head back. “Sorry, I forgot Kihyun has short legs,” he teases.

Kihyun catches up to them, smacks Hyungwon on the shoulder. “We were locking up the flat, you idiot,” he scolds. 

And then they're all heading down the path together, Kihyun and Jooheon taking the lead this time. Hyungwon never lets go of Changkyun's hand, content to walk by his side, calling out insults to Kihyun periodically. 

It’s weird, Changkyun thinks, but also — it isn't. He swings his and Hyungwon's interlaced hands between them.

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


The party is hosted by one of Hoseok's gym buddies, who also happens to be a member of the rugby team and lives in a large house just off-campus with six other boys. Music filters out through the wide-open front door.

Jooheon launches himself straight into the house. “I see Jackson!” he announces as he runs off. “See you nerds later!”

Changkyun clears his throat, shoves his hands into his pockets as they stand in the front garden, hesitating. “I guess it's just the three of us, then.”

“Actually, it's just the two of you,” corrects Kihyun. “Yoongi texted to say he's out back. I'm gonna go join him.”

“I can't believe you'd pick Yoongi hyung over me,” complains Changkyun. 

Kihyun pinches Changkyun’s cheek, making him squirm away — and into Hyungwon. Changkyun feels Hyungwon release his hand to put an arm around his shoulders. It feels so fluid, so natural, but somehow when Changkyun notices it, he stiffens.

“I'll see you later,” Kihyun says, laughing and patting Changkyun's head patronisingly, even though they're literally the same height and Changkyun is maybe even a smidge taller. Kihyun turns to Hyungwon. “Take care of him, yeah?”

Hyungwon grins. Even in the dim light Changkyun can see the way his mouth lifts. “I'm sure Changkyun can take care of himself,” he says. Glances down at Changkyun, tugs him closer with the arm slung around his neck, tucks Changkyun into his side. “But I'll keep an eye on him — he's my boyfriend, after all.”

Kihyun just laughs, waves goodbye and then he's gone. Changkyun extricates himself from Hyungwon's grasp. Shuffles his weight from one foot to the other.

“Sorry,” Hyungwon says, suddenly. “I realise we never actually talked about acceptable levels of PDA.”

Changkyun’s eyes widen. He really doesn’t want to talk about that. Why did he ever think he could handle this whole fake dating business? He’s chaotic, true — but he’s also weird and awkward around other human beings.

“It’s fine,” Changkyun manages to wheeze out. “Holding hands, all that stuff — it’s fine.”

Hyungwon grins at him. “Yeah?” he asks. Steps suddenly closer to Changkyun. The autumn air is cool, but Changkyun feels it suddenly heat up. He licks his lips, tries to resist the urge to step back. There’s a challenge in the way Hyungwon is acting, and Changkyun may be awkward but he’s also too proud to back down.

“Yes,” is what Changkyun says, instead. “Whatever the charade needs is fine.”

“Whatever the charade needs?” Hyungwon parrots. His eyes glint with mischief. “So kissing, that’s fine too?”

Changkyun’s heart is hammering in his chest. Hyungwon’s sort of leaning down, one hand resting gently on Changkyun’s elbow. Is Hyungwon going to kiss him? What the fuck? Should he run away? But also — he hasn’t kissed anyone new since Hoseok, and the last time they’d kissed was before the summer. Months ago. The excitement of maybe kissing someone new courses through him like fire.

“I — I don’t know,” stammers Changkyun. “Maybe?”

Then Hyungwon laughs, backs away. The sudden distance between them feels like a void. Changkyun stumbles, his head swooning. 

“Just teasing,” Hyungwon says lightly. “You’re cute when you’re flustered.”

Changkyun’s jaw falls open in surprise and annoyance. Mostly annoyance. “I am not flustered!” he objects. Gives Hyungwon a hearty shove on the shoulder to express his displeasure. Instead of looking suitably abashed, Hyungwon just laughs again.

“Sorry, kiddo — couldn’t resist.” Hyungwon slips his hand into Changkyun’s tugs him forward down the short path towards the front door of the house. “Now let’s go find your man.” Changkyun wants to argue, wants to say that Hoseok isn’t his man, but the thought of continuing this whole pretense in front of Hoseok starts to make his stomach churn.

He hurries after Hyungwon, presses himself into Hyungwon’s side. “This is such a bad idea,” he mutters to himself. “This is such a bad idea.”

“It’s a terrible idea,” agrees Hyungwon, cheerily. He winds his way through the crowd, still dragging Changkyun along. Glances back every often to make sure Changkyun is okay. “But it’ll be fun.”

“Fun for you, maybe,” grumbles Changkyun, as if Hyungwon’s the one forcing him to do this when it’s distinctly the other way around. 

They stumble into the kitchen. A large bowl of punch sits on the counter. People are wandering in and out, ladling punch into plastic cups, or taking bottles of beer out of the fridge. Hyungwon parks Changkyun in a corner, and normally Changkyun would object to being gently directed around like he’s a child, but he’s currently too stressed about the whole situation to mind. It’s kind of nice, actually, being taken care of.

“Do you drink?” Hyungwon asks suddenly. Changkyun looks up at him, and nods. Then Hyungwon asks, “Do you  _ want  _ a drink?”

Changkyun considers this. The last time he was drunk he’d hit on Hoseok and then made up a fake boyfriend, so maybe drinking isn’t the smartest thing for him to do. But he’s also so anxious he feels like he might quiver out of his skin from sheer nerves.

“Yeah,” Changkyun says. “Yes, please.” 

Hyungwon gets them each a cup of the punch, which smells sweet and fruity, but tastes of pure vodka. Changkyun makes a face after taking a sip, turns to Hyungwon to see him with a similar expression on his face. “Next drink we’re going for beer,” Hyungwon announces. Changkyun isn’t the biggest fan of beer, but he thinks even a beer would be preferable to this cup of what tastes like pure ethanol. 

They stand there in silence, sipping their drinks — it tastes less and less vile, Changkyun thinks, the more of it he consumes — until finally Changkyun pipes up. “What now?” he asks. Glances out of the kitchen towards the crowd of people in the living room, dancing to some unidentifiable EDM track.

Hyungwon shrugs. “We could go look for Hoseok,” he suggests. “And rub your new boyfriend in his face — if you want. Or we could just go dance. Have a good time, enjoy the party.”

Changkyun considers the options. The first one seems like the more logical one. It is, after all, what he’d come here to do. But he doesn’t really want to see Hoseok. Doesn’t want to see him, probably all nuzzled up against Hyunwoo, a stark reminder that he is not — and never will be — his.

“Dance,” Changkyun declares. “Let’s dance.”

This makes Hyungwon smile. “Come on then,” he murmurs, setting his cup down and taking Changkyun’s hand again. “Let’s go.”

Changkyun isn’t the best dancer — not that he can’t dance, but more that he’s often too self-conscious to. He tends to be one of those ‘stand at the fringes of the dance floor and bop in time to the music’ types. Hyungwon, apparently, is absolutely not one of those types. He drags Changkyun right into the middle of the room, pushing his way past sweaty university students, determined to find them a good, central location.

The music pounds out, and there’s some sort of strobe light that the rugby boys have set up in the corner of the room, flashing periodically and making Changkyun feel a little disoriented. He shimmies his hips slightly to the beat. This is stupid, he thinks. He feels stupid.

Hyungwon seems to notice Changkyun’s discomfort, because he’s suddenly leaning down and winding his hands around Changkyun’s waist. “Relax,” he murmurs, lips brushing against the curve of Changkyun’s ear to make himself heard over of the music. “Don’t think about him.”

Changkyun tries not to squirm under Hyungwon’s touch. It’s not that it’s unpleasant or unwanted, it’s just that — it’s maybe  _ too  _ pleasant. It feels nice to have someone hold him like that, gently and intimately, like he’s precious. He misses Hoseok.

“I’m not,” Changkyun replies. And well — now he is, but he wasn’t before. “I just — I look stupid when I dance.”

“Nonsense,” Hyungwon replies. He smiles softly at Changkyun. “You look good. Really good.”

Changkyun grimaces at the obvious lie, but he tries to let himself relax against Hyungwon. Tries to pretend he isn’t a strange, awkward little man, dancing with someone who’s so far out of his league it’s actually ridiculous. Why did he lie to Hoseok? And why did he let the lie get this far?

Hyungwon reaches down to grab Changkyun’s arms and place them around his shoulders. Snakes his own arms more tightly around Changkyun’s waist. Leans his head down, so they’re basically hugging on the dance floor. The closeness of their bodies, the way Hyungwon’s moving against him — Changkyun feels sparks exploding in his mind. He closes his eyes, lets himself forget that the person he’s pressed up against is someone he barely knows, someone who’s only pretending.

“Don’t look,” Hyungwon whispers suddenly in Changkyun’s ear, snapping Changkyun back to reality. “But I see him.”

Changkyun freezes. It takes a moment, and Hyungwon’s steadying hand on the small of his back, before Changkyun manages to relax enough to respond, tiptoeing up to Hyungwon’s ear, “Where is he?”

Hyungwon pulls away from Changkyun just enough to reach a hand up, use it to gently sweep Changkyun’s hair off his face. He leaves his hand there, cupping Changkyun’s cheek. “Behind you, by the doors to the back garden,” he replies. His eyes dart away from Changkyun, and then back again. “He’s watching us. What do you want to do?”

Good question. It’s all Changkyun can do to resist the urge to turn around and look at Hoseok. He tries to focus on Hyungwon, on the one hand resting on his hip bone, the other one along his jawline. The crowd presses in on either side of them, and suddenly the music feels too loud, the flashing lights too dizzying.

“Let’s go get another drink,” Changkyun says. He just needs a reason to step off the dance floor, to slip away from the intense heat of knowing that Hoseok’s eyes are on him.

They stumble back into the kitchen, and Changkyun heads straight for the punch bowl. Hyungwon goes to retrieve a beer from the fridge. They stand, leaning against the counter. Changkyun can feel Hyungwon looking at him with something like concern. He ignores it, tips his cup back and downs his drink.

“Hey, slow down,” says Hyungwon, but Changkyun’s already getting himself another cup of the sickly sweet punch. He can’t even taste the vodka anymore. Hyungwon bumps their shoulder together lightly. “You okay?”

Changkyun forces a smile. “Fine,” he mumbles. Heaves a sigh. “It’s stupid. I don’t even know why I care.”

“Because you like him,” Hyungwon offers. 

“Do I, though?” asks Changkyun. He frowns. “I’m not sure I do.”

Hyungwon turns to him, his face suddenly serious. He looks like he’s about to say something, but before he can speak, they’re interrupted by someone walking up to them.

“Hi,” says Hoseok, smiling broadly and waving. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything?”

Changkyun whips his head round. Hoseok’s there, with Hyunwoo — of course — both of them in tight t-shirts and skinny jeans, looking every inch like the kind of jocks that Changkyun’s always been attracted to. He swallows tightly, tries to get his voice to work again.

Thankfully, Hyungwon’s there as well, and he’s already draping one arm loosely around Changkyun. “You are,” he replies smoothly, “but that’s okay. We have the whole night ahead of us.”

Hoseok giggles. He sounds like he’s a little tipsy. “Just came over to say hi,” he says. “Are you guys having a good time?”

Hyungwon nods. “Yeah — thanks for the invite.”

Changkyun doesn’t know what to do, so he just shuffles himself closer into Hyungwon’s side. Maybe he’s just trying to show Hoseok something. Or maybe it feels nice, being safely tucked against Hyungwon. The last two cups of punch he’d downed are really hitting him hard now. He sways lightly. Hyungwon’s arm slides down his back, curls round his waist. It steadies him.

“Sorry,” Hyungwon’s saying now. “This one’s a little drunk.”

Hoseok hums thoughtfully. “He’s a lightweight,” he says. “Take good care of him.”

Perhaps Changkyun’s just imagining it, but he thinks that Hyungwon’s grip on his waist tightens, ever so slightly.

“Don’t worry,” Hyungwon says. His voice sounds clipped. “I will.”

Changkyun pouts. “I can take care of myself,” he grumbles.

Hyungwon laughs. Presses his lips against the top of Changkyun’s head. Murmurs into Changkyun’s hair. “I know you can, baby.”

_ Baby.  _ Hyungwon called him baby. 

It’s all part of the act, Changkyun knows, but still. It feels nice. He can’t help the way his cheeks heat up, or the small giggle that escapes his lips.

“Cool,” says Hoseok. “We’ll leave you guys to it, then.” The air between them is sort of tense now, but Changkyun doesn’t understand why. Whatever. He doesn’t care about stupid Hoseok and his stupid boyfriend anyway. 

Once they’ve left, and it’s just Hyungwon and Changkyun alone in the kitchen again, Hyungwon turns to Changkyun. Places both hands on his shoulders. “Are you okay?” he asks. “Do you want some water?”

Changkyun nods. “I’m fine,” he mumbles, as Hyungwon goes to get him some water from the tap. “I can drink more than that, I just drank those last two drinks way too quickly.”

“You don’t say,” Hyungwon agrees, handing Changkyun a cup of water, which Changkyun sips on gratefully. A silence falls between them, one that’s not tense, but not quite comfortable either.

“Do you want to stay, or do you want to go home?” Hyungwon asks.

Changkyun finishes the water, puts the cup down. They’ve been here barely over an hour. It’s not even midnight yet. But he feels exhausted, and also kind of down. He’s not having fun.

“I might go home,” he says. He can’t keep the twinge of dejection out of his voice. “But you can stay here, don’t worry about me.”

Hyungwon makes a face. “Please,” he replies, “what kind of fake boyfriend would I be if I let you go home alone?”

Despite himself, despite the situation, Changkyun smirks. “So you’re saying — you want to come home with me?”

This earns him an eye-roll from Hyungwon. “Very funny,” he says, but he’s smiling. “I’m glad you still have your sense of humour intact.” He pulls out his phone, starts tapping away at it. “I’ll just let Kihyun know we’re heading off, and then I’ll walk you home.”

Changkyun kicks his heels against the tiled floor. “You don’t have to,” he says. “Really. I’m not drunk, I promise.”

Hyungwon shrugs, taking his hand and leading him out of the kitchen, through the crowded living room, and out the front door. “I want to,” he replies. “Besides, I don’t live too far away from you. It’s fine.”

So they end up walking back the way they’d come, earlier in the evening. Now there’s really no one to see them. But Hyungwon doesn’t let go of Changkyun’s hand. Changkyun doesn’t mention it. He kind of likes having his hand held.

They’re about halfway home when, out of the blue, Hyungwon suddenly says, “Look, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way — I don’t mean to pry.”

Changkyun cocks his head to the side. “What are you talking about?”

Hyungwon isn’t looking at him, is just staring ahead as they walk down the dimly lit path. “Earlier,” he continues, “when you said you weren’t sure if you liked Hoseok. What — what did you mean?”

Changkyun thinks back to the party, to the conversation they’d had in the kitchen before Hoseok had interrupted them. He chews on his lower lip. “I don’t know,” he admits. “Hoseok hyung and I used to sleep together fairly regularly, like a friends with benefits-type thing. But we were always very, very explicitly  _ not _ dating.”

“Hmm,” murmurs Hyungwon. “Did you ever talk about it?”

“We talked about it once,” Changkyun replies. He doesn’t know why he’s trusting Hyungwon with all of this information, but they’re fake boyfriends now, aren’t they? Surely that’s close enough for a secret or two. “Just before the summer break. We had been seeing each other, or whatever, for like — four, five months?”

Hyungwon nods. “Did you tell him you liked him?”

Changkyun laughs. This story feels so ridiculous now, in light of everything that’s happened. “ _ He _ told me he liked  _ me,” _ he says, quietly. His heart clenches. “I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship.”

And that — that silences Hyungwon. All he says is, “oh,” and then he goes quiet.

Finally, though, he breaks the silence. “That’s not what I was expecting,” he says. “I thought you liked him.”

Changkyun exhales sharply. “I do,” he insists. “I just — I’m not good at the whole relationship thing, you know? I never have been.”

They arrive at Changkyun’s building. Hyungwon stops, turns to face Changkyun. “I get you,” he says. “I’m not good with relationships either. It just feels like — too much, you know?”

And yeah, that’s exactly it. Changkyun looks down. His hand and Hyungwon’s are still interlaced. “I thought that maybe, he would be the person to make me want to settle down, or whatever,” he mumbles. “But then he asked me, and I panicked, and now here I am. Pathetic and alone.”

“You’re not pathetic.  _ Or  _ alone,” Hyungwon says, almost instantly. Changkyun looks up at him. The soft moonlight casts a pale glow on his features, makes him look ethereal. “I know we barely know each other, but it feels a little bit like — I’ve been your fake boyfriend for the past few days. It feels like we’ve gone past that awkward stage of mindless small talk, you know?” He shrugs, uses his free hand to push his fringe out of his face. “You can always talk to me about stuff.”

“Yeah,” Changkyun breathes. He offers a close-lipped smile. “Same.”

Hyungwon beams in return. “For what it’s worth,” he says, “I can see why Hoseok liked you. You’re special.”

Changkyun doesn’t even have a chance to respond, before Hyungwon’s tugging him forward, wrapping him up in a big hug. His long arms curl around Changkyun’s shoulders. Changkyun buries his face in Hyungwon’s chest, wraps his own arms around his waist. Allows himself a moment to be comforted by the presence of another person in his life.

When Hyungwon releases him, he’s smiling fondly. 

“I guess this is goodbye,” Changkyun says. Hyungwon nods, bids him goodnight, then turns and walks back down the path. 

Their agreement was for one night, and now that one night’s over. Hyungwon had been a great fake boyfriend. Changkyun watches him go with a gentle pang in his chest. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come talk to me @notionxally on twitter or cc


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

The next time Changkyun sees Hyungwon's face, it's on a crumpled up sheet of pink paper that Hoseok is sliding across the table at him. It's a flyer advertising a special club night at the university's unofficial student club, The X. 

_ DJ H.One,  _ the flyer reads, right beneath a black and white picture of Hyungwon standing in a DJ booth with a pair of large headphones around his neck. Changkyun stares at it blankly. What the heck is this?

Hoseok stands over their lunch table and grins cheerily. “Some kid shoved this into my hands as I was coming into the dining hall,” he explains. “Isn't this your boyfriend?”

“Uh, yeah,” Changkyun mumbles. He picks up the flyer, inspects it more closely. That's unmistakably Hyungwon. “Yeah, I guess that is.”

Across the table from him, Kihyun clears his throat. “Hyungwon's a DJ,” he says, firmly. It sounds like he's talking to Hoseok, but Changkyun knows that it's for his benefit. Changkyun wonders why this never came up in his conversations with Hyungwon. They had talked primarily about Changkyun, of course, because that's where they had to keep their story straight. But an underground DJ career seems like a bit much of a secret to keep, even from a fake boyfriend.

“I was planning to go to the event with Hyunwoo,” Hoseok says, his smile turning a little sheepish. “But when I realised that your boyfriend would be playing a set, I thought I'd better check with you first.”

Changkyun frowns. “What?” he blurts out. “Why?” Next to him, Jooheon digs an elbow into his ribs.

Hoseok shrugs, brings one hand up to rub the back of his neck. “You know — I figured you were going to be there, if your boyfriend's DJ-ing, and I wanted to make sure you were okay with me being there as well.”

“Okay?” repeats Changkyun. He forces out a bark of laughter. “Why wouldn’t I be okay? We’re still friends, right?”

Hoseok hesitates, but eventually cracks a smile. “I don't ever want to make you uncomfortable” he says gently, “so if you want me to leave you alone, I will. But I really want to stay friends.”

Something in Changkyun's heart softens at the sincerity of Hoseok's words. He can sense Kihyun and Jooheon, both frozen in place as they watch this alarmingly intimate conversation suddenly playing out in front of them. 

“I want to stay friends too,” Changkyun says, and he surprises himself when he realises means it. He and Hoseok get along, and they care about each other. Just because they can't be in a relationship doesn't mean that has to be the end of their friendship. He nods firmly. “I really do.”

Hoseok's face brightens. It sends a thrill of happiness through Changkyun — even though it really shouldn't, not anymore.

“Great,” Hoseok is saying. Changkyun tries to focus his attention on the present moment. “I'll see you this Saturday, then?”

Changkyun nods. “Definitely,” he replies. “See you there.”

He watches as Hoseok leaves. This is okay, he thinks. It's all going to be okay. He won't always have to look at Hoseok and feel that stab of regret in his chest. One day, he'll be able to look back on this time of his life and laugh at how silly he'd been.

But when he turns back to his friends, they're staring at him with expressions of horror — in Jooheon's case — and displeasure — in Kihyun's. 

“What?” Changkyun asks defensively. “I thought I handled that pretty well.” He hadn't gotten tongue-tied, hadn't clammed up emotionally, hadn't even done that thing he does where he laughs too much to make up for how uncomfortable he feels. 

Kihyun narrows his eyes at Changkyun. “Yeah, you handled that wonderfully,” he says. Changkyun can't even tell if he's being sarcastic or not. He evidently is, because he continues, “Except for the part where you agreed to go to an event where your ex-fake boyfriend is performing.”

Changkyun freezes. Plays back the conversation in his mind. “Oh,” he exhales. His eyes flick over to the pink flyer sitting in the middle of their table. “Oh no.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun says, rolling his eyes. “So you better start coming up with reasons why your supposed boyfriend is shoving his tongue down his groupies’ throats at the club on Saturday.”

Changkyun gapes at Kihyun. “What? Is that what he does at those gigs?”

This earns him a glare from Kihyun. “I don't know, do I look like a club regular to you?” he grumbles. “All I know is that there are always people hanging around the faculty building trying to ask him out or give him chocolates or whatever.”

And, okay, that's — fine. It's whatever.

“Didn't he say he was sick of people asking him out all the time?” Changkyun pipes up suddenly.

Jooheon furrows his brow at him, at the sudden brightness in his voice. “Kyun-ah, whatever you're thinking of doing, don't do it.”

Changkyun ignores him. “Maybe if he had a fake boyfriend standing in the crowd _ ,  _ he wouldn't get hit on so much.” He taps a finger against his chin contemplatively.

“No,” says Kihyun. “Bad idea. This is a bad idea. What happened to one night and one night only?”

“It's just one more night,” Changkyun argues. “What harm could one more night do?”

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


Changkyun stands outside the architecture faculty, hands clutched around two cups of coffee. He'd planned on staking out the art and design faculty, which was where he'd last met Hyungwon, but Kihyun had stopped him. For all his insistence that he did not in any way support Changkyun’s plan, he was still a good friend. Not to mention he doted on Changkyun like one would a disobedient puppy.

“He’s not actually an art student, he’s an architect. He only has a handful of classes in that building,” Kihyun had said. “The architects have their own faculty.”

And okay, Changkyun hadn't even know that Hyungwon was an architect. He wonders how much more he doesn't know about Hyungwon.

The crispness of the autumn air whips around him. He'd used his superior sleuthing skills — read: Kihyun's insider knowledge as sometimes-photographer for Hyungwon — to figure out when to wait for Hyungwon. He watches as the main doors to the building open, and students start trickling out, carting art folders and poster tubes and all looking utterly exhausted.

He could probably have done this over text, but a small part of Changkyun feels like it would be insincere to ask someone to continue to be his fake boyfriend without at least meeting them face to face.

So here he is, shuffling awkwardly from one foot to the other, wishing he’d put on a warmer jacket that morning. He scans the horde of students spilling out of the architecture faculty, trying to spot Hyungwon. He’s tall, he should be easy to pick out of the crowd.

And indeed, there he is — this time in a fleece-lined denim jacket and skinny jeans. He has a large poster tube tucked under one arm. The other hand reaches up to his face, and — yeah, of course, he’s pushing his fringe out of his face again. Changkyun rolls his eyes. He bets Hyungwon just does that because he knows it makes him look good. Objectively, of course. Not that Changkyun thinks he looks good.

“Shut up, brain,” hisses Changkyun to himself. Now is not the time. He hurries towards the front of the building, raising one hand gingerly to attempt a wave, trying his best not to slosh coffee all over himself. “Hyungwon-ssi! Over here!”

Hyungwon pauses when he hears his name, looks around. A half-smile breaks out across his face when he sees Changkyun, and then he’s sauntering over, long legs helping him cross the distance between them in no time at all.

“Hyungwon-ssi?” he asks, quirking an eyebrow. “Bit formal for boyfriends, don’t you think?”

Changkyun grimaces. They haven’t technically had the conversation about dropping formalities, for obvious reasons — they’re not actually dating. But it had been easier to speak casually to one another when they were caught up in the charade. Now — it feels presumptuous.  

But, given what Changkyun’s come here to ask, he supposes he might as well switch back.

“Hyung,” he corrects. Hands Hyungwon one of the coffee cups. “I got you coffee.”

Hyungwon looks surprised, but he takes the coffee. Sips at it delicately. “Thanks,” he says. “What are you doing here? Missed me?”

And maybe Changkyun feels his cheeks heat up slightly, his heartbeat start to quicken. But he ignores it. “Stop it,” he grumbles. “We’re not fake boyfriends anymore.”

This makes Hyungwon chuckle. “So, you just missed me for  _ real,  _ then?”

Changkyun glares at Hyungwon, about to protest, when he sees the mischief twinkling in Hyungwon’s eyes. Sees the sly smirk playing on his lips.

“I really hate you, you know,” Changkyun says. He reaches out his hand. “Give me that coffee. I’m taking it back.”

“No take-backs!” declares Hyungwon, twisting the cup away from Changkyun’s grasp. “This is mine now.” He takes another sip. “Now, tell me — why are you here?”

Changkyun sticks out his tongue, just to establish that he’s only moving on because he has more important things to discuss, and not because he’s conceding defeat. “I had a favour to ask of you,” he says, hesitating.

Hyungwon nods, cocking his head to the side. “What favour?”

Changkyun chews on his bottom lip. “Uh,” he starts. “Your DJ gig this Saturday. Can I come?”

This makes Hyungwon furrow his brow. “Yeah,” he replies, like he doesn’t quite understand the question. “If you want to. Why not?”

Changkyun shakes his head. He hasn’t asked this right. “I mean — can I come, and we pretend to be boyfriends again?” he clarifies, then quickly adds, “Just for one more night. I swear.”

There’s a brief pause, then Hyungwon brow unfurrows, and he laughs. “I guess you did miss me, after all,” he teases, grinning triumphantly.

“I did  _ not,” _ objects Changkyun. His voice comes out like a whine. “Hoseok hyung just mentioned it and was all like, ‘you’re probably going to be there to support your boyfriend’ — what was I supposed to say?”

Hyungwon chuckles. “Fair enough,” he says, so easily and so quickly that it startles Changkyun into silence. He stares up at Hyungwon. “But you have to stick to me after my set and fend off all my groupies.”

Changkyun thinks idly of Kihyun’s comment about Hyungwon making out with his groupies. His stomach twists. Gross. He doesn’t want to see any of that. But if Hyungwon wants him to help fend them off, then fine. He’s just doing a friend a favour in return for a favour.

“Whatever,” Changkyun says. He hopes he sounds nonchalant. “Okay.”

Hyungwon grins. “Great,” he replies. Holds his coffee cup up by way of farewell. “I have to get some coursework done, so I should get going. Thanks for the coffee.”

Changkyun nods, waves as Hyungwon turns to leave. “See you Saturday.”

Hyungwon’s taken a few steps down the path, when he turns back to look at Changkyun. “Bye, darling,” he calls out. Shoots Changkyun a wink. 

If that makes Changkyun’s heart flutter, he doesn’t think too hard about it.

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


“Which one?” Changkyun asks, holding out two shirts in front of Jooheon, who’s sitting on his bed, all dressed up and ready to go.

“Either one,” whines Jooheon. “You’ve changed shirts about five times now. You look fine, can we  _ go?” _

Changkyun scowls at his so-called best friend as throws both shirts on the floor and pulls off the shirt he’s currently wearing. “Screw it,” he says, “I’m going back to the black one.”

Jooheon groans, flops backwards onto the bed. “After all this, you’re going back to the first shirt you tried on?”

“I should have trusted my gut,” replies Changkyun. He buttons the satiny material up over his chest, leaving just enough buttons undone that his collarbone is exposed. He has nice collarbones, he thinks. At least there’s that.

“And I should have realised that you would take ages to get ready,” complains Jooheon. “You’re always like this when you want to impress somebody.”

Changkyun freezes midway through fluffing up his fringe in the mirror. Turns to look at Jooheon. “What?”

Jooheon pushes himself up onto his elbows, raises an eyebrow at Changkyun. “You,” he repeats, like he’s talking to a child. “You want to impress someone.”

“Yeah,” replies Changkyun tightly, “Hoseok hyung. Obviously.”

“Right. Hoseok hyung. Obviously.” Jooheon gets to his feet, walks over to the dresser. Plucks a couple of silver earrings out of the little dish they live in. “Put these on.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes at Jooheon, ignoring whatever Jooheon is trying to imply. He accepts the earrings and style advice without comment. Jooheon has a point — the earrings dangling from his left earlobe do make the outfit. He tilts his head at himself in the mirror, taking in the overall effect. He likes the way he looks.

“ _ Now _ can we go?” Jooheon asks, but he’s smirking at Changkyun. “You look sexy, okay? But I desperately need a drink, so let’s  _ leave.” _

Changkyun giggles, lets Jooheon usher him out the door. They haven’t been out to a club in a while, and Changkyun’s looking forward to it. House parties are fun and all, but they’re not quite the same. By the time they hop off the bus and pay their entry fee and get their coats put away, Changkyun’s ready to dance and get drunk.

“Is he on yet?” Jooheon shouts over the music as they push their way through the mass of people milling about by the bar. 

Changkyun shakes his head. “Don’t think so, the flyer said he’s starting at ten.” Just enough time for them to get a drink, find Kihyun, and make their way onto the dance floor. Half of Changkyun almost wants to go hunt Hyungwon down and maybe wish him good luck or something, but then again — maybe that’s stupid. By the sounds of it, Hyungwon’s played this gig many times before. It’s probably not even a big deal to him.

So he just sips on his cocktail — though cocktail is a generous descriptor for the mostly-vodka concoction he’s consuming — and lets Jooheon lead him around, their hands interlaced. Kihyun had texted to say he was in a booth towards the back, probably hanging out with Yoongi and crew. 

As they weave through the crowd, Changkyun hears snippets of conversations, people getting hyped for Hyungwon’s set. One girl gushes about how she’s been to “every single one of Hyungwon oppa’s shows”, and another one describes him as “so handsome he might be an angel”. Changkyun feels a perverse swell of pride to hear the way people are talking about Hyungwon. It’s not like Hyungwon’s his boyfriend or anything — but if Hyungwon's fake boyfriend can’t be proud of him then who can?

“There you are!” shouts Kihyun, launching himself at Changkyun. “You’re so late!”

Jooheon snorts with barely suppressed laughter. “Someone couldn’t decide what to wear,” he says, pointedly. Gives Kihyun a conspicuous nudge with his elbow.

Kihyun raises an eyebrow at Changkyun. “Is that so?” he asks, teasingly. “Trying to impress someone?”

“Yes, Hoseok hyung, you weirdos,” grumbles Changkyun, under his breath. He sidles away from Kihyun, goes to greet Yoongi, and Yoongi’s other friends, people he vaguely knows but not really. Anything to get away from the knowing glances his best friends are shooting him, not that he has the slightest clue what they’re trying to hint at.

He’s halfway through trying to explain to Yoongi the concept he has for a rap he’s working on — Yoongi’s a fourth year music major, which is the only reason they know each other at all — when the crowd suddenly erupts into cheers. Changkyun looks up, and there Hyungwon is, stepping up onto the small stage towards the DJ booth. The host for the night announces “DJ H.One”, and the crowd cheers again. So he’s like, a big name on campus, apparently. That’s cool. Changkyun doesn’t feel woefully inadequate at all.

Hyungwon looks pretty cool, Changkyun has to admit, for someone who looks like a porcelain doll in his daily life. But on stage, with his big headphones hanging around his neck, dressed in a black t-shirt tucked into skinny jeans — he looks attractive in a whole different way.

“— and I hope you all have a good time here with me tonight!” Hyungwon’s saying, and pushing his hair back from his face, and Changkyun really needs to stop getting lost in his own mind. He sips his drink, leaning against the wall with Yoongi by his side. Wonders idly if Hyungwon can see him, or if it’s too dark and crowded. Wonders if Hyungwon is even trying to look for him.

“Before we get started,” Hyungwon says into the mic, and he’s looking around the room, “I wanted to dedicate this set to a special someone. I’ve been trying to find him, but there are too many of you here and I don’t know where he is.”

Changkyun’s heart starts to hammer a steady rhythm against his ribcage. No way. No fucking way. 

Hyungwon grins as the crowd cheers. “So, if anyone knows where Im Changkyun is — give me a yell!”

A loud screech coming from Changkyun’s left makes him jump. “He’s here!” yells Jooheon, jumping up and down and pointing. “He’s here!”

“Jooheon, shut up!” Changkyun hisses, but it’s too late. The people around them have noticed, and are all starting to shout and point. It doesn’t take long for Hyungwon to spot him. He smiles feebly, and waves.

Hyungwon laughs, and waves back. “Kyunnie,” he announces, pointing at him all the way across the room, “this one’s for you.”

And then the beat drops, bright synths layered with thumping bass. The crowd loses interest in Changkyun, goes back to jumping and dancing and grinding on each other on the dance floor. But Changkyun can’t stop thinking about the way Hyungwon had looked at him — looked directly at him — like he was the only person in the room. It makes him feel light-headed, and not just because of the alcohol.

“That your boyfriend?” Yoongi asks, nodding towards where Hyungwon stands above the crowd, hands moving deftly across the various knobs and buttons on his dashboard.

Changkyun startles at the sudden question. “Um,” he stammers out, uncertain. “I guess so.”

Yoongi inclines his glass at him. “He seems cool,” he says, approvingly. “Well done, kid.”

Changkyun doesn’t even have time to respond, before Yoongi’s slipping away silently, going back to join his friends where they’re boisterously arguing over whether to get one of those giant fish bowls of alcoholic slush. He turns his attention back to Hyungwon. 

As if noticing Changkyun looking at him, Hyungwon raises his gaze as he presses one side of his headphones to his ear. Their eyes meet across the crowded room. The corner of Hyungwon’s mouth lifts in a smirk. 

Changkyun tears his eyes away. 

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


Changkyun spends the rest of Hyungwon's set on the dance floor, squashed up between Kihyun and Jooheon, all three of them stumbling into each other and giggling like children. It's been a long time since Changkyun's had so much fun clubbing. And it certainly doesn't hurt that every so often he finds his eyes flicking up to the DJ booth, that every so often his gaze locks with Hyungwon's, that every so often Hyungwon shoots him a cheeky wink.

But Changkyun's favourite part of the night, he thinks, is when he — boldness bolstered by the alcohol — blows Hyungwon a flying kiss. Hyungwon looks, for a moment, flustered. His gaze drops, and a smile crosses his face, in a way that makes it seem like he can't help himself. It sends a tiny shiver of power through Changkyun, the knowledge that he's managed to have some sort of effect on Hyungwon.

Then Hyungwon's set ends, and he's thanking the crowd, handing back over to the regular DJ to play the night out with some amalgamation of the latest chart hits. Changkyun slips out of the crowd, back to their booth to rest his tired feet. He startles a little to see Yoongi making out with a tall, broad-shouldered man he knows as Seokjin — supposes that Kihyun hadn’t been lying all of those times he'd insisted there was nothing going on between him and Yoongi.

Changkyun hovers by the standing table, instead of sitting down in the booth right next to the lip-locked couple. Waits awkwardly for Kihyun and Jooheon to get back with their drinks. 

He can see Hyungwon coming down off the stage, can see people rushing forward to speak to him. Hyungwon's laughing, chatting easily, but then his eyes flick up, and focus directly on Changkyun. It makes Changkyun's heart stutter. Hyungwon shoots him an apologetic smile, mouths something Changkyun can't quite decipher, but combined with the hand gestures he figures Hyungwon is saying he'll be right over. He nods, smiles at Hyungwon and gives him two thumbs up.

“Kyunnie!” comes a familiar voice from just off to the side. Changkyun turns, and there Hoseok is, wearing a crop top that looks stupidly good on him, flashing just the barest glimpses of his toned abs. Behind him, Hyunwoo is following along, laughing as he chats to a pretty boy with dark hair and bright eyes.

“Hoseok hyung,” Changkyun greets. Hoseok's sudden appearance — even though he'd known Hoseok would be here, he's sort of forgotten about it — leaves him feeling a little off-balance. “Are you, um — are you having a nice time?”

Without warning, Kihyun and Jooheon barge into the scene. Jooheon shoved a glass of water at Changkyun. “Drink this,” he orders, and Changkyun gratefully complies.

Hoseok smiles at everyone. Gestures to his unknown friend. “This is Minhyuk, by the way,” he introduces. “He's an education major like me.”

Minhyuk reaches over to smack Hoseok on the shoulder. “No talking school when we're out!” he complains. Then beams brightly at everyone else. “Nice to meet all of you! Which one of you is dating Mister DJ over there?”

Changkyun splutters on his water. Jooheon thumps his back enthusiastically, but unhelpfully. 

“I take it you're the one,” says Minhyuk, smirking. Changkyun grimaces.

Kihyun gives Changkyun a sideways glance, then abruptly claps his hands together. “That's great, enough now,” he declares. Steps in front of Changkyun and latched onto Minhyuk, dragging him away. “Why don't you tell me more about you!” Changkyun shoots Kihyun a grateful smile.

He's about to turn to Jooheon and maybe suggest going somewhere else to extricate themselves from having to talk to Hoseok and Hyunwoo, when a loud screech from somewhere behind them makes Changkyun jump.

“Jooheonie!” yells Jackson — because of course it's Jackson — and gazumps Jooheon from behind in a bear hug. Jackson's being followed by two other guys, who seem to know Hyunwoo, because they light up upon seeing him and drag him off to the side. Everyone's laughing and talking and being rowdy in the best kind of way.

Which leaves — Changkyun and Hoseok. Awkwardly standing face to face in a circle of their friends and mutual friends all talking to people other than them.

“So, um,” Changkyun starts. He tries to shove his hands into his pockets, but his jeans are really tight, so he ends up fumbling a little. Not the suave, unbothered air he was going for. He falls silent, leaves it to Hoseok to make conversation.

“That was cute,” Hoseok says, and for a second Changkyun think he’s referring to his inability to put his hands in his pockets, until he sees Hoseok nodding his head towards the DJ booth. Hyungwon’s not in the booth anymore — where is he? — but Changkyun gets what Hoseok means. “Him dedicating the set to you? It was really sweet.”

Changkyun smiles tightly. “Yeah,” he mumbles. “I guess it was.” Looks down, away from Hoseok, away from those kind eyes that make him feel some nauseating combination of longing and guilt. Every time he thinks he’s getting over Hoseok, he’ll feel that twist in his chest that reminds him he’s not.

A wry smile flickers across Hoseok’s features. “You know,” he murmurs, long lashes curtaining his gaze, “there’s a small, stupid part of me — a part that still wishes, that it could have been me.”

Changkyun’s heart stops. “Hyung,” he exhales. The air is suddenly too thick, too cloying. It could have been Hoseok, too — if only Changkyun hadn’t been such a fool. But even now, even after all of this, he still can’t stop the panic that starts to mount in him at the thought of having a boyfriend  _ for real.  _ None of this fake bullshit, just real feelings and real attachments and real hurt.

“No, don’t,” Hoseok says abruptly. Shakes his head firmly, almost like he’s speaking to himself. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

Every fibre of Changkyun’s being is screaming out at him to do something, say something, to make things better. But all he can do is stand there, watching Hoseok fall apart and piece himself together again. He feels helpless. This is exactly why he isn’t ready for a relationship.

“Hey,” comes Hyungwon’s voice, out of nowhere. Changkyun feels a slender arm snake around his waist, feels the warm press of Hyungwon’s body behind him. “Everything okay?”

The bright smile is back on Hoseok’s face. “Everything’s great,” he says cheerily. It’s almost scary, how quickly Hoseok can put on a front to mask his emotions. Or maybe it’s admirable, how easily Hoseok can let the mask slip. Changkyun isn’t sure he could do the same.

“I was just telling Changkyun how sweet it was of you to dedicate your set to him,” Hoseok continues. “You’re a good boyfriend — I can see why Changkyun picked you.”

Maybe Changkyun’s reading too much into it, but he thinks that there’s an undercurrent to that statement. It makes him tense up against Hyungwon. 

“Thanks,” Hyungwon replies. He leans his cheek against the side of Changkyun’s head. “I’m glad he did.”

Hoseok nods, the smile not once dropping from his face. He compliments Hyungwon’s set, before turning to go look for Hyunwoo. Changkyun watches him leave, lost in his own world, until Hyungwon gently touches him on the arm.

“You okay?” Hyungwon asks. 

Changkyun shrugs. “Fine,” he mumbles vaguely. “It just gets weird with Hoseok hyung, sometimes.”

Hyungwon’s giving him a strange look, but thankfully, doesn’t say anything more. Instead, he just grins cheekily at Changkyun. “Did you like all the special attention?” he asks, voice light and teasing.

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “You show-off,” he grumbles, but without heat. He can feel the upward tug of his lips. There’s something annoyingly entertaining — or entertainingly annoying — about being around Hyungwon.

“You  _ liked it,” _ insists Hyungwon. He laughs, nudges Changkyun with his shoulder. “What’s it like, dating a celebrity?”

“You’re  _ not _ a celebrity,” Changkyun shoots back. Gives Hyungwon a light shove, for good measure.

Hyungwon clasps both hands to his chest, jaw falling wide open in feigned horror. “I’m wounded. And all this, after my love serenade?”

Despite himself, Changkyun chuckles. “That was hardly a love serenade,” he says, cocking his head to the side like he’s thinking very hard about something. “But I guess it was an okay set. I give it a solid six out of ten.”

Hyungwon pouts at him. “Do I not at least get an extra point for looking cool on stage?”

“You get an extra point for having an ego the size of a barn.”

“I'll take it!” Hyungwon declares proudly. He slings an arm around Changkyun. Leans down to whisper in Changkyun's ear. “For what it's worth, you look good tonight too.”

Changkyun wrinkles his nose at Hyungwon, but doesn't say anything. His heart is pounding. Is Hyungwon flirting with him? Or is it all part of the act? But there's no one close enough to hear them, so what the hell is Hyungwon's deal?

“Hyungwon oppa?” a small voice from beside them pipes up. A small group of girls are crowded near Hyungwon. One of them taps Hyungwon on the shoulder. “Sorry to interrupt — we just wanted to say that you played a really good set tonight.”

Hyungwon casts the girls a charming grin. Pushes his fringe out of his face, and okay — he definitely knows what he's doing when he does that. But his other arm never leaves Changkyun's shoulders, even as he thanks the girls for coming, chats to them idly. Changkyun watches as Hyungwon basks in the attention, just bashful enough not to be arrogant, just self-assured enough not to be awkward. He feels himself buoyed by the glow of Hyungwon's presence.

“And — you must be Changkyun-ssi,” one girl says suddenly. Changkyun blinks in surprise at being spoken to. The girl beams at him. “You're so lucky,” she gushes.

It takes Changkyun a moment to gather himself. “Yes, I'm very lucky,” he replies. Hoping to god he sounds natural.

But Hyungwon just laughs, reaches over to ruffle Changkyun's hair. “I'm the lucky one,” he says. The girls giggle excitedly.

Changkyun looks away, trying to breathe slowly to calm his racing heart. That’s when he catches Kihyun watching them. Their gazes meet, and Kihyun slowly raises one eyebrow. 

There's a look in his eyes, one that Changkyun could maybe try to decipher — except that he really doesn't want to. He looks away.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos/comments! you can find me @notionxally on twitter or cc


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

“I can’t believe I have to continue this charade all because you want to get laid,” Changkyun complains to Kihyun. They’re walking to where Hyungwon apparently lives to pick him up, so they can all go to Minhyuk and Hyunwoo’s place for movie night. How Changkyun had ended up entangled in a friend group with the guy he used to sleep with, that guy's new boyfriend,  _ and  _ his own fake boyfriend, he has no idea.

Wait, no, he has a perfect idea how it happened — Kihyun. And the deeply unfortunate fact that he had hit it off with Minhyuk at the club, after Hyungwon’s set.

Kihyun grimaces. “I was with Hyungwon when Minhyuk asked if we wanted to go to his for movie night,” he grumbles. “What was I supposed to do? He’d clearly invited both of us.”

“You could have told him not to go,” argues Changkyun. “Jooheon was invited too, and he's busy. You should have told Minhyuk that Hyungwon wasn’t free either.”

“Really?” Kihyun shoots back. “Because if  _ you  _ don’t want  _ your _ fake boyfriend to be there, it sounds like it’s  _ your _ responsibility to tell him not to go.”

Changkyun opens his mouth to say something, then purses his lips together again. Kihyun has a point. But that doesn’t mean he likes hearing about it.

“I can’t tell him not to go, it would be rude,” says Changkyun, but his argument is feeble and he knows it.

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Just say that you want him there.”

“What?” Changkyun gapes at him. How has this conversation turned from him chewing Kihyun out for wanting to do the nasty with Minhyuk to —  _ this?  _ “Excuse me, I do  _ not _ want him there.”

Kihyun smirks, like he knows he’s successfully diverted the attention away from himself. “Oh, so you don’t like it when he puts his arm around you and holds your hand and whispers in your ear?” he asks, sarcasm dripping from every word. “Because you seemed to be enjoying all the attention at the club last week.”

Changkyun folds his arms across his chest. They’ve arrived at Hyungwon’s building. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he insists.

“Sure you don’t,” Kihyun replies coolly. “Now text him and tell him we’re here.”

“Why don’t  _ you  _ text him?” 

Kihyun’s sneaky smile widens. “Because,” he says, “I saw you texting him to let him know we were on the way over. You might as well finish the job.”

Changkyun gives Kihyun a vigorous shove on his shoulder. “That is an invasion of my privacy!” he complains, but he dutifully takes his phone out to message Hyungwon.

Kihyun just laughs. “Maybe if you didn’t hold your phone like this when you text,” he teases, miming holding a phone with the screen tipped down for everyone to see, and skipping out of reach for Changkyun’s attempted smack on his shoulder.

“I text like that because I have nothing to hide!” Changkyun replies, shoving his phone in his back pocket and darting forward to grab Kihyun, who’s cackling in delight.

“Then why are you getting so defensive now?” Kihyun says, waggling his eyebrows at Changkyun suggestively. “Methinks the lady doth protest too much!”

Changkyun glares at Kihyun. “Well, methinks the lady doth protest the right amount given that there is nothing going on!”

“Nothing going on with what?”

Changkyun lets out a screech of surprise, releases his grip on Kihyun’s arm as he does a little hop in the air. Whips around to see Hyungwon standing at the entrance to his building, looking equal parts amused and bemused by the scene before him.

“Nothing!” yells Changkyun. He’s talking really loudly. Clears his throat, tries again at a normal volume. “I mean, nothing is going on with anything. Ki’s just being annoying.”

Hyungwon raises one eyebrow like he doesn’t quite believe Changkyun, but he knows better than to ask. His eyes flick over to Kihyun, who’s almost doubled over with laughter. A mischievous grin lights up his face.

“Give him a break, Kyun-ah,” he says. “Kihyun’s obviously just wound-up from having to go to his crush’s house for movie night.”

Now it’s Changkyun’s turn to splutter with laughter. Kihyun falls instantly silent, straightens up.

“Not a crush!” he argues.

Hyungwon chuckles. “So you shouting ‘of course we’ll be there’ when he invited us over to watch a movie was just normal behaviour then?” he asks. “And I suppose the same goes for the way you slapped him on the shoulder and ran away?”

Changkyun lets out a bark of laughter and digs his elbow into Kihyun’s side. “You didn’t tell me all of that,” he teases.

“Oh my god, shut up,” grumbles Kihyun, stomping down the path. Hyungwon laughs and saunters after him, cooing in a syrupy voice about the way Kihyun had looked at Minhyuk with stars in his eyes. Changkyun watches them go. Things are comfortable with Hyungwon, the way he seems to just fit into the group like he's always belonged there. He isn't loud or overly friendly, but he has an air of self-assuredness that makes it easy to get along with him.

He only realises that he's been frozen in place when Hyungwon stops, turns to look back at him. “What are you doing?” he calls out. “Come on.” And then he's holding out his hand for Changkyun to take. Beyond him, Kihyun has stopped too, is watching them with amusement in his eyes.

Changkyun doesn't make eye contact with Kihyun. He runs up to Hyungwon and slips their hands together.

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


Changkyun ends up squashed between Kihyun and Hyungwon on the sofa. Minhyuk insists on sitting on the floor in front of Kihyun, which is great for Kihyun and his hilariously transparent crush, but terrible for Changkyun. Because Minhyuk and Kihyun seem to flirt by antagonising each other, Kihyun nudging Minhyuk with his knees, Minhyuk reaching back up to smack Kihyun. All in all it means a lot of fidgeting that pushes Changkyun closer into Hyungwon's space.

Not that being wedged up against Hyungwon is the worst thing in the world. Hyungwon has one arm slung around the back of the sofa, fingers dangling lazily against the nape of Changkyun's neck, playing with the fine hairs there. Changkyun peeks up at him. His eyes are trained on the screen — it's not clear if he knows what he's doing.

Changkyun turns his attention to Hoseok and Hyunwoo, curled up on the loveseat together. Hoseok has his legs stretched out across Hyunwoo's lap, while Hyunwoo stares stoically at the screen.

“Hey,” Hyungwon whispers in his ear. “Pay attention.”

Changkyun looks away from Hoseok, stares back at the screen. “I am,” he says huffily. “Nothing's happened, Tom Hardy's still lying around his apartment.”

Hyungwon tips his head down, noses against the side of Changkyun's head. “I meant pay attention to me,” he murmurs.

Changkyun physically feels his heart rate pick up, feels the thumping in his chest. He gives Hyungwon a light nudge with his shoulder. “Stop flirting with me,” he says. There's a ringing in his ears. He can barely focus on the film, and it's one of his favourites. It's as if his entire focus has narrowed into this one moment with Hyungwon, into the feel of Hyungwon pressed up against him, the feel of his hand on the back of his neck, the gentle rise and fall of his breathing.

Hyungwon is silent for a moment. Then he pulls ever so slightly away from Changkyun. “Really?” he asks. There's a seriousness in his voice that Changkyun doesn't think he's heard before.

On his other side, Kihyun shifts. Minhyuk leans his head back against Kihyun's shins. Changkyun doesn't let himself think too hard about it, just curls his legs up onto the sofa. His knees fall into Hyungwon's lap, his head tucked against the crook of Hyungwon's neck.

“No,” Changkyun says, quietly. Like he's speaking a secret. Maybe he is. “Just kidding. Don't stop.”

Hyungwon doesn't say anything. The only indication he gives of having heard Changkyun is the slight lift of his lips, and the protective curl of his arm around Changkyun’s shoulders.

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


Hoseok’s staying over with Hyunwoo, and Kihyun — very kindly and with no ulterior motives whatsoever — offers to stay to help Minhyuk clean up. So Changkyun and Hyungwon bid everyone farewell, head back across campus together.

Changkyun’s still riled up from his probably unnecessarily enthusiastic discussion with Minhyuk about the movie, too riled up to focus on the fact that he and Hyungwon had basically cuddled for two hours. Or maybe he’s focusing on the movie in order not to focus on everything else. He waves his arms about in the air vigorously, continuing his rant.

“I can’t believe Minhyuk thinks the Avengers are better than Venom,” he says grumpily. “The  _ Avengers?  _ Better than  _ the best superhero movie of all time?” _

Hyungwon chuckles lightly. “Venom’s kind of a weird superhero, in fairness.”

Changkyun lets out a strangled noise of disapproval at Hyungwon’s comment. “That’s the whole point!” he near-shouts. “Venom’s an anti-hero! You’re supposed to feel weird about rooting for him, it, whatever.”

This draws another laugh out of Hyungwon. “You really like Venom, don’t you?” he asks, glancing at Changkyun with one eyebrow raised.

At this, Changkyun colours slightly. He scratches the back of his head. “I’ve watched it five times,” he admits. “It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“It’s endearing.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “Shut up,” he grumbles.

“You’re like Venom,” Hyungwon adds, turning back to Changkyun with a wide grin plastered across his face. “You seem all dark and moody at first, but then you turn out to be a big old softie.”

Changkyun gapes at Hyungwon in mock horror. “When have I  _ ever  _ been dark and moody?”

“Only every single time I’d ever met you,” replies Hyungwon coolly. “Standing quietly in a corner talking only to Kihyun and glaring daggers at everyone else.”

And, okay, yeah — that describes Changkyun at pretty much every one of Kihyun’s photography events he’d been dragged to. But only because Changkyun isn’t good at small talk, least of all with the artsy types Kihyun hangs out with.

Hyungwon pouts at him. “You never even came to talk to me,” he whines.

“You never came to talk to me either,” Changkyun shoots back.

“Yeah, but I would have if you hadn’t looked so intimidating.”

Changkyun’s jaw falls open, this time in genuine surprise. “You thought I was intimidating?” he asks, because that’s impossible. “Me? When you look like — have you  _ seen _ yourself?”

As quickly as the words fall out of his mouth, Changkyun realises he’s said the wrong thing. A triumphant grin breaks across Hyungwon’s face. “Do my ears deceive me or did you just compliment me?”

“Your ears deceive you,” replies Changkyun flatly. He stalks on ahead as quickly as his normal human-sized legs will take him. Hyungwon, with his super-humanly long legs, catches up to him easily. Drapes an arm around Changkyun’s shoulders, leans heavily into him.

“You think I’m  _ handsome,”  _ Hyungwon coos. “You like my  _ face.” _

Changkyun feels his cheeks heat up. “Yeah, well — you like my face too!” He doesn’t know what possesses him to say that, other than the fact that he feels tongue-tied and his skin feels far too warm and all he wants to do is wrap his arms around Hyungwon and bury his face in his chest. But he’s staunchly  _ not _ thinking about that.

“I do like your face,” replies Hyungwon. His voice is a little quieter now. There’s an air of heaviness to it, and suddenly Changkyun wishes Hyungwon would go back to his more boisterous, teasing self. “I like a lot of things about you.”

Changkyun swallows tightly. He extricates himself from Hyungwon’s loose embrace, wiggles himself free. They’re at a fork in the road.

“Anyway,” Changkyun mumbles. “Your dorms are that way, aren’t they?”

Hyungwon stops, stares at him. “Yeah,” he replies, sort of wistfully, like he’s surprised by that fact. He makes to turn and head in the direction of his home, but then — he hesitates. Glances at Changkyun. “Do you want me to walk you home?”

Yes, yes he does. Changkyun wants that very much. And he wants Hyungwon to come up to his flat and he wants to keep talking to him, and cuddling, and teasing each other the way they seem to do all the time.

But they can’t.

“No,” Changkyun says. “No, that’s fine. I can take care of myself.”

“I know that.” Hyungwon smiles tightly at him. He turns, looks down the path he’s meant to head down to go home. There’s a long moment of silence, or maybe just a short moment, Changkyun can’t tell. Hyungwon seems deep in thought, lost in his own inner world. 

And because Changkyun can’t help himself even when he should really know better, he lets himself stare. Studies Hyungwon’s side profile — the elegant brow, the shapely nose, the strong jawline. Handsome, as he's always been.

But he sees something else. The softness of his gaze. The gentle slope of his pillowy lips. The pale, almost translucent quality of his skin.

Something swells inside Changkyun. Something warm and tingly and electric beneath his skin.

He reaches forward, grabs Hyungwon's hand. Laces their fingers together.

Hyungwon turns to glance at him in surprise. Changkyun shrugs off the unspoken question. It's just part of the act, he tells himself. Never mind that there's no one else around to see them. Never mind that Changkyun's losing sight of what's pretend and what's not.

“You know what?” Changkyun asks, trying to keep his voice light. Nonchalant. Like it’s not a big deal, even though there’s a part of him that’s screaming,  _ it is, it is it is! _

“Walk me home. Why not?”

Hyungwon takes a moment to react. When he does, it’s with a beautiful, radiant, smile.

By the time they get to Changkyun’s building, their hands are still locked together. They've been here before, when Hyungwon had walked him home after that first house party. Back then, it had felt like a goodbye.

This time feels like a beginning.

“I guess I — I'll see you around?” Hyungwon asks. He hasn't let go of Changkyun's hand. Neither does he look like he's about to leave.

Changkyun purses his lips. Rubs his thumb against the back of Hyungwon’s hand idly, as he tries to muster up the courage to say what he wants to say. Or at least, some version of what he wants to say.

“Do you want to keep doing this?”

Hyungwon blinks at him. “Doing what?”

Changkyun’s brave, but not brave enough. 

“Fake dating,” he replies. “Just keep pretending. For now. I get to keep my dignity in front of Hoseok hyung, and you get to keep your hordes of admirers off your back.”

The expression on Hyungwon’s face is inscrutable. His lips part like he’s about to speak, then he pauses. His brow is furrowed in contemplation.

“Sure,” Hyungwon says, finally. “Why not?”

Changkyun knows that if Kihyun were here, he would be able to rattle off in a matter of seconds a whole load of reasons why not. But Kihyun’s not here, and Changkyun’s never been one to listen to good advice anyway.

“Hey,” he murmurs, peering up at Hyungwon. He lets the corners of his lips curl up into a smirk. “Text me when you get home?”

Hyungwon tries to suppress a smile, but fails. He looks away, and Changkyun thinks he can see the faintest hint of a blush on his cheeks. Hyungwon has a pretty smile, he thinks. He likes seeing it.

“Yeah, okay,” mumbles Hyungwon. He reaches a hand up towards Changkyun’s face, like he’s going to touch his cheek. Then hesitates, changes his mind, gives Changkyun a firm pat on the head. “Goodnight,” he says.

Changkyun can’t help himself but giggle. He watches as Hyungwon walks away. 

When his phone buzzes, half an hour later, he picks it up to see a blurry selfie from Hyungwon, lying on what appears to be a bed covered in cushions. The accompanying message reads:  _ Made it home safe!! _

Changkyun stares at the picture. There's a goofy smile plastered across Hyungwon's face. A smile that’s there for him alone, no one else. 

But that's fine. He and Jooheon and Kihyun send each other silly selfies all the time. Never mind that his stomach doesn't do a little flip when he gets a selfie from them. Never mind that Changkyun can feel the grin on his face spreading to match the one staring back up at him from his phone screen. 

Never mind all of that.

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


“What are you smiling at?”

Changkyun looks up from his phone. Jooheon's watching him, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“Nothing,” replies Changkyun, maybe a little too quickly. Jooheon gives him a  _ look. _ Changkyun scowls. “What?” he asks. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Jooheon leans back, folds his arms across his chest. “You're texting Hyungwon, aren’t you?”

Changkyun shrugs in what he hopes is a nonchalant manner. “Maybe,” he demurs. “What of it?”

“You've been texting Hyungwon a lot recently,” Jooheon says. It sounds like he's actually getting at something else, but not saying it.

Changkyun sets his phone down. “We're friends,” he says flatly.

“Friends who cuddle and hold hands and call each other baby,” Jooheon points out.

Changkyun glares at Jooheon. “I don't call him baby,” he objects.

“But he calls  _ you _ baby,” Jooheon shoots back.

And yeah, Changkyun can't deny that. “I've told you before, we're fake dating,” he says, instead. “It's all part of the act.”

“Is it? And is it part of the act that you text him all the time and giggle at your phone like a teenager?”

“I don't know what you want me to say,” Changkyun snaps. He's not sure why Jooheon's getting on his case about this, but it's hitting a little too close to the mark and Changkyun doesn't like it.

Jooheon sighs heavily. “I'm just worried about you,” he says. Changkyun’s anger deflates. He can hear the concern in Jooheon's voice. “Why are you still doing this fake dating thing anyway? Don't you think this is going too far?”

Changkyun pulls his legs up to his chest, curls himself into a ball. “I don't know,” he mutters to himself. “It's just — we both get something out of it.”

“Yeah,” says Jooheon, gently. But firmly. “You get to be in a relationship while pretending you're not.”

Changkyun blinks at Jooheon. “That's not — that's not what this is.”

Jooheon levels him with a steady gaze. “Isn't it?”

Changkyun doesn't have an answer to that. Jooheon wraps his arms around him, and Changkyun buries his face in his best friend's shoulder.

“Just — be careful, okay?” Jooheon murmurs into the top of Changkyun's head. “Be careful.”

Changkyun nods, even though he doesn't quite know how.

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


But Jooheon's words don't stop ringing in his head, which is why, a few days later, when Kihyun — almost certainly at Minhyuk's behest — suggests they all go out for dinner, Changkyun hesitates. He still doesn't have his head on straight. Isn't quite ready to face Hyungwon and all of their friends and also his ex and his ex's new man — just the thought of it makes his brain feel all foggy. So he begs off, claiming he needs to finish a project for music production class — even though he's long had that track finished — and curls up in his bed feeling sorry for himself. 

Then the doorbell rings, and Changkyun pokes his head out of the covers. He's not expecting anyone, he doesn't think. A long silence follows. The person doesn't buzz again. Changkyun ducks his head back beneath the covers. Probably just a neighbour who's forgotten their keys.

Changkyun buries his face back in his pillow. Barely a moment passes before his phone buzzes right beside his head. Changkyun cracks an eye open, peers at the screen.

It's a message from Hyungwon.  _ I'm outside your building,  _ the message reads.  _ Let me in! _

Changkyun hesitates. What the hell is Hyungwon doing here? Shouldn't he be at dinner with everyone else?

His phone lights up again.  _ I brought you food… _

With a heavy sigh, Changkyun picks up his phone and clambers to his feet to go let Hyungwon in. He's hungry and he wants food. That's all. 

Changkyun runs a hand through his hair self-consciously as he waits for Hyungwon to get to his front door. He's just in an oversized black sweater and grey sweatpants. Maybe he should have changed into something a little less homely before answering the door.

But not because he wants to impress Hyungwon, of course. Just because it's polite to not be in your pyjamas when guests come over.

Whatever. Too late now. 

“Hey,” Hyungwon says, grinning at him as he steps into the apartment. He holds out a plastic bag that's emitting a mouth-watering aroma. “Thought you might need sustenance.”

Changkyun takes the bag from him, peers inside. It's some form of prawn fried rice that both looks and smells incredible. He can't deny how much he appreciates it, especially when he'd planned on just making himself some instant ramyeon for dinner.

“Why are you here?” Changkyun asks, after he thanks Hyungwon for the food. He heads into the kitchen, senses Hyungwon hesitate before following him. Jooheon's warning sounds like a siren in his head.  _ You get to be in a relationship while pretending that you're not.  _ Changkyun shakes his head in an attempt to clear it.

“Kihyun said you had to miss dinner because you were rushing a project,” Hyungwon explains, from somewhere behind Changkyun. “I thought I'd bring you food.”

Changkyun sets the food on the counter, turns to look at Hyungwon. His pulse thrums energetically beneath his skin from Hyungwon's sheer proximity. Suddenly he doesn't know how to behave. “You didn't have to do that,” he says. “You should have gone to dinner with the others.”

Hyungwon shrugs. “Maybe,” he says. He watches Changkyun, forming his words carefully as he does so. “I just didn't really feel like going for dinner anyway, if you weren't going to be there.”

There's a ringing in Changkyun's ears. He leans against the kitchen counter. “You shouldn't say things like that to me.”

A frown shadows Hyungwon's face. “Why not?”

“Because it confuses me.”

The way Hyungwon's staring at him now makes Changkyun want to squirm out of his own skin. There's an intensity there, a heat that sears right through Changkyun's skin.

Then he steps closer, and the heat turns into a blazing fire.

“Why does it confuse you?”

Changkyun tilts his chin up to look Hyungwon in the eye. “You know why it confuses me,” he replies, as firmly and steadily as he can manage.

Hyungwon trails one hand down Changkyun's arm, fingers coming to encircle his wrist. There's something almost like a sadness in his eyes, in the open, doleful way he looks at  Changkyun. “If you want me to go, I will.”

Nothing about this is sensible, nothing about this is a good idea. But Changkyun wants Hyungwon to stay, and so he says it. One word, one syllable, barely breathed. “Stay.”

“Don't you have a project to finish?” Hyungwon asks, but he makes no move to leave. He hasn't stopped staring at Changkyun.

“Finished it. It's done,” Changkyun replies. He turns his palm over, slides his fingers against Hyungwon's so he can lace their fingers together. “Stay with me. We can — we can watch a movie. Listen to music. Whatever you want.”

Hyungwon smiles fondly down at him. “I want to hear it,” he says. “The song you did, for your project. Or, any of your songs.”

So few people have heard Changkyun's music. Jooheon, and Kihyun, of course. Hoseok. It feels so personal, for some reason, even though of course music is meant to be shared. But Changkyun's always been a private person. He doesn't let that many people into his life.

“Yeah,” he mumbles. A smile twitches at his lips. “Okay. Now?” 

Hyungwon nods. Changkyun ducks his head shyly, tugs Hyungwon out of the kitchen, towards his bedroom. “My, um — my laptop's in here.”

There’s a glassy look in Hyungwon’s eyes as he obediently follows Changkyun. He perches on the edge of Changkyun's bed, gaze wandering around the room. Waiting silently, and patiently, as Changkyun tinkers about on his computer.

When the first bars of his latest song starts to play, Changkyun spins round in his desk chair to face Hyungwon. Leans forward and rest his elbows against his knees. But he doesn't quite dare to look directly at Hyungwon, especially not as the rap verse starts and his voice floods the room.

“You sound good,” Hyungwon says. His voice makes Changkyun look up. There's a warm smile on his face. He stretches his leg out and gives Changkyun’s foot a gentle nudge. “Don't get all shy with me,” he teases, but his voice is soft, lightly playful.

Some of the tension dissipates. “Not shy,” grumbles Changkyun, rolling his eyes. But his cheeks feel hot. He turns back to his computer, queues up the next song. Focuses on the music to distract himself from everything else. 

He starts to explain his vision, what he was trying to go for with each track. What the inspiration behind each piece was. Maybe because Hyungwon's a DJ, or maybe just because he's Hyungwon and he seems to  _ get  _ Changkyun in a way no one else does — whatever it is, Hyungwon understands. He understands how the tracks have been made, understands why Changkyun makes the choices that he does. The way he talks about the music is intelligent, considered, and in an odd way it relaxes Changkyun.

The thickness of the air between them fades a little, and Changkyun moves to the bed, sits himself down next to Hyungwon, leaning back on his hands. They stay like that, silent and unmoving, until the last of the songs Changkyun had queued up ends.

“This stuff is good,” Hyungwon murmurs. “You're really talented.”

Changkyun smiles to himself. “Thanks,” he says. Glances at Hyungwon. “And thanks for listening to all of it.”

Hyungwon nudges him with his shoulder. “Are you kidding? That was great,” he replies. Turns his gaze to Changkyun. Their eyes lock. “Thanks for showing it to me.”

And then the frisson between them returns. Changkyun suddenly feels, all too intensely, his and Hyungwon's closeness. He swallows tightly around the growing lump in his throat. His entire being is screaming at him to look away, but there's something in Hyungwon's eyes that draws him in like a magnet. Changkyun feels like he's drowning.

“Hyung—” Changkyun starts. He doesn't know what he's trying to say, except that if he doesn't say something, anything, to release some of the tension, he's going to explode.

Hyungwon makes a soft, almost inaudible humming noise under his breath. His fingers, long and slender, reach out to play with Changkyun's own fingers, splayed out on the bed behind them. His gaze is cast down, watching his own fingertips trace patterns against Changkyun's skin.

“Changkyun-ah,” Hyungwon breathes. It feels like all the air's been sucked out of the room. Then Hyungwon raises his gaze, looks Changkyun directly in the eye, and Changkyun's chest collapses in on itself. “I want to tell you something.”

Changkyun licks his lips. They feel a little chapped. “Tell me what?”

There’s something between them that Changkyun can't even name. Or he could, but he doesn't want to. 

Their faces are so close now. Changkyun can see every individual eyelash curtaining Hyungwon's eyes. They look feathery, and soft. Changkyun wonders if they  _ feel _ soft too.

“It's stupid,” Hyungwon says, hesitating.

Changkyun's heart is slamming against his ribcage. He tries not to think about anything, tries to focus on how he feels. And how he feels is — he wants Hyungwon. He wants to feel Hyungwon's skin beneath his hands, and so he goes for it. Reaches one hand up to cup Hyungwon's cheek. The sudden contact, and probably the fact that it was initiated by Changkyun, appears to startle Hyungwon.

“It's not stupid,” Changkyun whispers.

Hyungwon stares openly at him, eyes bright and wide with undisguised trust. “How do you know that?”

His lips are so plump, and they look so soft. They're a deep pink, like crushed cherries. Changkyun inhales around the tension in his chest, exhales shakily. He can admit this to himself now. He  _ wants _ this. He wants  _ Hyungwon. _ Whatever that means.

A jangle of keys in the front door and a loud banging of it being thrown open jars into Changkyun's consciousness. He leaps off the bed, away from Hyungwon. Away from whatever disastrous mistake he had been about to make. When he glances back at Hyungwon, he's gratified to see that Hyungwon looks just as shell-shocked as he feels.

“I'm home!” comes Jooheon's voice, sing-songing out from the living room. 

Changkyun darts his eyes over to Hyungwon. “We should go outside,” he says.

Hyungwon nods. “Yes,” he says, stiffly. “We should.”

The look that Jooheon gives the two of them when they come slinking out of Changkyun's room — it makes Changkyun want to melt into the floor and disappear. They all say their awkward hellos and goodbyes, and then Hyungwon's leaving. Leaving Changkyun alone, to suffer under the accusatory gaze of Lee Jooheon.

“Nothing happened,” Changkyun says, once the front door shuts behind Hyungwon, before Jooheon can get a word in. But his flushed cheeks tell another story, he knows.

Jooheon puts his hands on his hips. “But something was  _ about to _ happen?” he asks, because he's Changkyun's best friend and knows Changkyun all too well.

“I don't know,” is what Changkyun manages to say. It's sort of the truth, in a way. His brain till feels like it’s stumbling blind in a fog. He flops down onto the sofa, looks plaintively up at Jooheon. “What am I doing?”

Jooheon sighs, sits down next to him. “If you don't want to play pretend anymore, that's fine,” he says. “But you have to make sure  _ he _ wants the same thing.”

Changkyun groans and rubs one hand over his face in exasperation. “I don't know what he wants,” he grumbles.

“No,” replies Jooheon, watching him carefully. “But do you even know what  _ you  _ want?”

Good question. Changkyun's pretty sure the answer is no. No, he doesn't.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehehe
> 
> please leave kudos/comments! you can also come talk to me @notionxally on twitter or cc


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

Minhyuk invites them all to a holiday cabin owned by his aunt's husband's cousin — or some other similarly distant relation. Just for a weekend, at the start of the winter break, for an early Christmas celebration with a handful of Minhyuk’s other friends.

Which makes Changkyun realise — the first term of the school year is drawing to a close. And that in turn means that this whole pretense he's been wrapped up in has been going on for almost three months. It feels like it's been longer than that, with how attached to Hyungwon he's become. But also, it feels like the time has flown by.

They're having lunch, just the two of them, when Hyungwon brings it up. His eyes are trained on Changkyun, watching him closely.

“If you don't want me to go to Minhyuk’s thing, I won't,” Hyungwon says.

Changkyun pokes at his food. “You should do what you want,” he mumbles. “I don't mind.”

Hyungwon kicks at Changkyun's foot under the table. Changkyun lifts his gaze to meet Hyungwon's uncharacteristically serious expression. “I'm just your fake boyfriend, right,” he says softly. “I get it if you don't want to pretend for a whole weekend.”

And no, Changkyun doesn't want to pretend. Not for a weekend, not for any amount of time. Maybe he wants this to be real.

But he can barely admit that to himself, let alone speak it out loud.

“You're not just my fake boyfriend—” Changkyun starts, then breaks off mid-thought. “I mean, you're friends with Ki, and Jooheon, and — and we're friends too, aren't we?”

Hyungwon hums thoughtfully. He doesn't look or sound convinced.

“You don't have to go if you don't want to,” Changkyun adds quickly. He half shrugs, staring studiously at his food. “I don't care.”

“It's not that I don't want to go,” mumbles Hyungwon, “it's just — a whole weekend away.” He scrunches up his face. “It feels kind of — serious, you know?”

Changkyun knows exactly what Hyungwon's talking about, but he really doesn't want to think about it. He rests his elbow on the table, chin propped in his hand. “It doesn't have to be serious if we don't want it to be,” he says. “It can just be — two friends, having fun.”

Hyungwon smirks. “Having fun?” he repeats. “Is that a euphemism?” It's an attempt to dodge the heavier direction the conversation had been headed in, and Changkyun sees it plainly for what it is. And yet, even though he knows Hyungwon's just looking for a reaction, heat still floods Changkyun's cheeks. 

“Shut your face,” he scolds, kicking out at Hyungwon under the table. Hyungwon just laughs, pushes his fringe off his forehead. Changkyun scowls at him. “And stop doing that,” he grumbles. “The thing with your hair.” 

“What thing?”

“The thing!” exclaims Changkyun. He tilts his chin up, does an exaggerated impression of Hyungwon sweeping his hair back.

Hyungwon blinks at him once, then bursts into laughter. “What do you have against me pushing my hair out of my face?” he asks, grinning good-naturedly. “My fringe is long! It gets annoying.”

“Oh yes, it's  _ only _ because your fringe is annoying you,” retorts Changkyun, rolling his eyes. But he can’t help the smile that creeps onto his face. “Not because you think it makes you look hot.”

Mischief glitters in Hyungwon's eyes. “Why?” he asks, fluttering his stupid long lashes at Changkyun. “Do  _ you  _ think it looks hot?”

Changkyun gasps in faux shock, fans himself with one hand. “Oh, yes, it's so sexy,” he coos in a high-pitched voice, “oppa, I'm going to faint!” 

Instead of looking chagrined, Hyungwon just doubles over in giggles. “Shut up,” he says, and there's a distinct whine to his voice. His cheeks tint pink. Changkyun is still amazed at how he seems to be able to have this effect on the normally unflappable Hyungwon. In a karmic sort of way, it comes full circle, and the fact that Changkyun’s made Hyungwon blush now makes Changkyun himself feel inexplicably shy. He ducks his head down, focuses on eating.

“I like this about you, you know,” says Hyungwon, out of the blue. Changkyun looks up, to find Hyungwon watching him studiously, head cocked to the side. “The fact that you don’t let me get away with anything.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “Are you still talking about your hair?”

“Not just my hair,” Hyungwon replies. Shrugs. “But, like — everything. You’re not taken in by any of the hype, you call me out when I’m being an idiot, stuff like that. It’s nice.”

“You  _ like _ it when I give you shit?” asks Changkyun, trying to keep his tone light. Even though he can hear his own heartbeat in his ears, thundering out loud enough to drown out everything else. Everything except Hyungwon’s voice. His entire focus narrows in on Hyungwon.

Hyungwon pouts at Changkyun, and god  _ damn _ he’s cute. Changkyun shoves a spoonful of rice into his mouth angrily.

“Not many people give me shit like you do,” Hyungwon mumbles, shrugging. “A lot of people I meet seem to have this preconceived idea of what I’m like.”

Changkyun feels the corners of his lips lift into a small smile. He can’t help himself. He feels — special. Hyungwon makes him feel special. His skin buzzes like it’s electrified, tingling with anticipation. Changkyun chews on his bottom lip to suppress the smile that’s threatening to break out across his face.

“I’m going to get you a headband to keep your hair out of your face,” he grumbles, staring firmly and unblinkingly at his food. Trying to will his heart to stop hammering so wildly in his chest. “So no one will get any false ideas about how cool you are from the way you flip your hair.”

He hears Hyungwon chuckle softly. “If you get it for me, I’ll wear it,” he promises.

Changkyun raises at eyebrow, peers at Hyungwon through the curtain of his fringe. “Even if it’s ugly?” he challenges. “Or sickeningly cute? Or has a big sign that says ‘I’m An Idiot’?”

“Even if all of those things,” laughs Hyungwon. 

“First the fake boyfriend thing, now this,” says Changkyun. Desperately trying to sound nonchalant, unbothered — even though his tongue feel heavy and inelegant in his mouth, his brain too foggy to think straight. “I'm starting to think you'd do anything I ask you to.”

Hyungwon levels him with an unblinking gaze. “Maybe I would,” he murmurs, quietly, like he's not quite aware that he’s saying it. But Changkyun hears him. The words burn into his brain. “Maybe I would.”

  
  


 

* * *

 

 

Kihyun and Jooheon are, predictably, not on board with the idea of Hyungwon coming on the trip. When Changkyun tells them, Kihyun’s eyes go wider than Changkyun’s ever seen them before, while Jooheon's do the opposite and narrow into suspicious slits.

“This isn't just one party or one night out,” Kihyun cries out, standing in the middle of Changkyun’s living room, waving his arms about. It’s all extremely unnecessarily dramatic, Changkyun thinks. He grimaces at Kihyun, but Kihyun doesn’t seem to care. “It's pretending, non-stop, for forty-eight hours!”

Jooheon folds his arms in front of his chest. “Is it pretending, though?” he asks, cryptically. Changkyun knows where he’s going and he doesn’t like it. 

“Shut up,” he says. “It’s not like that.”

“I don’t think you guys are pretending any more,” Jooheon points out. “Didn’t you almost kiss that time he brought you dinner?”

Kihyun’s jaw falls open. “Excuse me, but — what?”

Changkyun glares at Jooheon. “We did  _ not _ almost kiss.”

“I don’t know what happened but  _ something  _ happened,” replies Jooheon. “I know you too well not to know what that flustered look on your face means.”

Kihyun makes a strangled noise in his throat, throws his hands in the air. “Why does no one tell me anything!” he complains. “When was this?”

“Few weeks ago,” says Jooheon, at the same time that Changkyun snaps, “there’s nothing to tell!”

Rubbing his fingers into his temples, Kihyun sinks down into the sofa between Jooheon and Changkyun. “We’re just worried about you, Kyun-ah,” he says. Jooheon peers at him from over Kihyun’s shoulder, nodding earnestly. “This whole —  _ thing  _ — seems to be getting a little out of hand.”

Changkyun scowls, but without any true venom. He wants to be angry at his friends for nagging, but he can’t. Not when they sound so genuinely concerned about him.

“It’s fine,” he mumbles. “We both know it’s just pretend. It’s not like I’m going to get hurt, or anything.”

Neither Kihyun nor Jooheon look like they believe him, but they do, at least, let it go. Kihyun places one hand on his knee, gives it a reassuring squeeze. “Promise to come talk to us if it starts getting — complicated?” he asks.

Changkyun nods. “It won’t,” he says, firmly. “But I promise.”

That seems enough to satisfy his friends for now, and they drop the topic. They don’t even bring it up again for the next couple of weeks, and then the school term is ending and the four of them are piling into the car Kihyun rented and driving up into the woods where the cabin is.

It turns out that what Minhyuk had called a cabin is more accurately described as a lodge — it’s a large, two-storey building that is nowhere as humble as Minhyuk had made it seem. Hyungwon teases Kihyun about marrying into money, and it’s a sign of how nervous Kihyun secretly is that he can’t even muster up a glare in Hyungwon’s direction.

Minhyuk throws the front door open for them, drags Kihyun in for a hug. Changkyun smirks when he sees how pink Kihyun’s face goes, nudges Hyungwon so they can share a snicker at Kihyun’s expense. They shuffle into the house with their bags, to see everyone else already gathered in the living room. Hoseok’s sitting in an armchair, with Hyunwoo behind him, talking to another tall and impossibly handsome man. Changkyun shoots Hoseok a small smile, which Hoseok returns. He glances at the three other guys sitting on the sofa — why are all of Minhyuk’s friends so  _ good-looking? _

“—and this is Jeonghan, and Wonwoo, and Hansol,” Minhyuk’s rattling off, pointing at each of his friends in turn, “and of course, you already know Hoseok, and that’s Mingyu over there with Hyunwoo.” He’s a good host, making all the introductions quickly and smoothly, keeping the atmosphere light and cheery. Changkyun can see why Kihyun’s so smitten — Minhyuk has a radiant, magnetic energy about him. 

Changkyun’s distracted thinking about this, distracted sneaking glances at Kihyun — who’s staring at Minhyuk with a soft smile on his face, gross — that he doesn’t hear the rest of whatever Minhyuk’s saying. He only realises that he should have been listening when his friends are suddenly all picking up their bags and heading across the room towards the stairs. Except Kihyun and Jooheon are veering off down a hallway while Hyungwon leads up the stairs.

“Where are we going?” asks Changkyun, glancing back at where Kihyun and Jooheon have disappeared from view.

“Our room,” Hyungwon replies. “Second from the right — here we go.” He pushes open the door, holds it open for Changkyun.

And then the penny drops.

“We’re sharing a room,” Changkyun says, realisation dawning. Of course they would be sharing a room, and he would have figured that out had he given even the slightest moment’s thought to it. But he’d been too busy trying  _ not  _ to think about what going on this trip with Hyungwon would mean that it had completely slipped his mind. 

He walks into the room, drops his bag on the bed. Then stands there, staring at the bed. The  _ one  _ bed.

Changkyun gapes at it. “We’re sharing a bed.”

Hyungwon shuts the door, comes to stand next to Changkyun at the foot of the bed. “Apparently so,” he says. “I was hoping there would be two twin beds.”

“I didn’t really think about it,” confesses Changkyun. He looks around the room. It’s not a big room. There’s an armchair in the corner. “I could, um — I could sleep in that,” he suggests, pointing.

Hyungwon regards the armchair. “That looks uncomfortable.”

He’s right. Changkyun perches on the edge of the bed, looks up at Hyungwon. “I’m sorry,” he says, “I didn’t think this through. I kind of assumed I could room with Jooheon, and you with Kihyun.”

Hyungwon shakes his head, smiling lopsidedly. He reaches over and ruffles Changkyun’s hair. “It’s fine,” he replies, shrugging. “Look, I’ve shared a bed with friends before. It’s not a big deal, right?”

“Yeah,” says Changkyun. He forces a smile. “It’s not a big deal.” Or it shouldn’t be a big deal, just like how it isn’t a big deal when he shares a bed with Jooheon, which he often does. So why are his insides are twisting with anxiety? 

Hyungwon raises an eyebrow at him, but doesn't say anything. Changkyun clears his throat, unzips his bag and starts rummaging around.

“What are you doing?” Hyungwon asks. “We have to go downstairs and help with dinner.”

Changkyun murmurs in acknowledgement, but doesn't stop digging about in his bag. “Hang on,” he says. “I got you something.”

Hyungwon comes to peer over his shoulder. Changkyun can feel the warmth of his presence, can feel how it makes his skin tingle. He tries to ignore it, until his hands close around the item he'd been looking for.

“Here you go!” he declares, whipping it out and brandishing it at Hyungwon.

It's a headband, furry and pink with floppy rabbit ears perched on top of it. Hyungwon gapes at it openly, and Changkyun grins. Annoying each other — now that's a dynamic he's more used to.

“You said you'd wear any headband I got you, no matter how stupid,” Changkyun reminds him, waving the headband in front of Hyungwon's face.

Hyungwon smirks at Changkyun. “And I meant it,” he says emphatically, snatching the headband up and shoving it onto his head, making sure that every last strand of his fringe is pushed back. Arranges the ears so that they're half-perked up and half-flopping down. Cocks his head at Changkyun expectantly. “How do I look?”

Changkyun lets out a huff of indignation. “Cuter than expected,” he grumbles. Swallows tightly, suppresses the urge to reach out and pinch Hyungwon’s cheeks. The pink of the headband really brings out the pale pink flush of his skin. And the rich, rose tint of his lips.

“Okay, let's go!” shouts Changkyun abruptly, as he notices his thoughts — and his gaze — wandering to Hyungwon's lips.  _ Get a grip, _ he scolds himself mentally, as he stomps out of the room with a laughing Hyungwon in tow.

  
  


 

* * *

  
  


By the time they get downstairs, half of the group have moved into the kitchen. Changkyun glances over at where Kihyun is standing at the kitchen island, expertly slicing a radish. Next to him, Minhyuk is staring at him in awe. It makes Changkyun smile. Kihyun's crush definitely isn't unrequited, he thinks.

“Hey, babe, come sit with me,” Hyungwon says, breaking Changkyun out of his distraction. He's on the large, squashy armchair, beckoning to Changkyun with both arms outstretched.

Changkyun hesitates. Hoseok is on the large sofa with Hyunwoo, and one of Minhyuk’s friends — Wonwoo, Changkyun thinks. And, sprawled across the loveseat, is the tall one named Mingyu. There'd probably be space for him if the rest of them tried to make space — but why would they, when Changkyun has a perfectly good seat on the lap of his boyfriend?

Cheeks warming up, Changkyun perches himself on Hyungwon's lap. Tries not to tense up as Hyungwon winds his arms around his waist.

“Should we not go help Minhyuk in the kitchen?” Changkyun asks, glancing once more over at where Jeonghan seems to be expertly flipping an omelette in a pan. Jooheon and Hansol are hovering around him, evidently taking instructions, nodding eagerly as Jeonghan speaks to then.

Mingyu shrugs. “Nah — Jeonghan forbade us from setting foot in there, said we'd be more hindrance than help,” he says. 

“Pretty sure Minhyuk himself is only in there because he wants to make googly eyes at Kihyun,” says Hyunwoo, laughing. He has a bright but steady energy. It's nice to be around, Changkyun realises.

Meanwhile, Wonwoo is eyeing them, and Changkyun only figures out why when he speaks. “What's with the bunny headband?” he asks.

Changkyun feels himself clench with embarrassment, but Hyungwon just chuckles, nuzzles his face affectionately against the side of Changkyun's neck.

“Kyunnie got it for me,” Hyungwon explains. “Said he was tired of me pretentiously sweeping my hair out of my face.” He grins cheekily up at Changkyun. “I think it's his way of taking me down a peg.”

“You guys are cute,” Mingyu coos. “So cuddly.”

Hoseok's looking at them as well, Changkyun can feel the intensity of his gaze. He swallows tightly, tries to focus on Hyungwon instead — on the reassuring hold of Hyungwon's arms around his waist, the warm puff of Hyungwon's breath against his neck. 

“You guys make me wish Hyunwoo was more cuddly too,” Hoseok says.

Changkyun turns in surprise. Definitely not what he had been expecting. Hyunwoo’s eyes flick towards Hoseok, but otherwise his expression reveals nothing.

“Every couple expresses affection differently,” murmurs Hyungwon diplomatically, even as he’s tugging Changkyun ever so slightly closer to him. Changkyun shifts, ends up wrapping his arms loosely around Hyungwon’s shoulder to get more comfortable. Just to get more comfortable.

And it’s really quite comfortable, sitting in Hyungwon’s lap, all wrapped up in his arms. Changkyun lets his attention drift, listening to Hyungwon chat easily to Minhyuk’s friends. It’s always taken Changkyun a little time to warm up to new people. He’s talkative in all the wrong ways, too odd and off-beat from everyone else to really click with strangers quickly. But things are easier with Hyungwon around. Hyungwon, who not only gets Changkyun’s quirks but is so comfortable with them that it makes Changkyun forget how self-conscious he is.

He leans his chin against the top of Hyungwon’s head, one furry ear of the headband tickling his cheek. Hyungwon smells nice. Slightly floral, but also slightly woody, like fresh pine.

“You guys look cosy.”

Changkyun startles, turns around to see Jooheon standing behind them, one eyebrow raised. He looks like he’s just teasing his friends for being a lovey-dovey couple, but Changkyun knows better than that. Jooheon’s making a point about how Changkyun’s in way too deep.

“How’s dinner?” Changkyun asks quickly, clambering off Hyungwon’s lap. He grabs Jooheon by the elbow, steers him back towards the kitchen.

“Almost ready,” Jooheon replies, veering off into the dining room. “Was coming to ask you to help me set the table.”

The dining area is set slightly away from the rest of the living space. The plates and cutlery are piled up in the centre of the table. Changkyun picks up a handful of forks, starts laying them out around the table. Jooheon just stands with his arms folded, watching Changkyun.

“Are you not going to help me?” Changkyun complains.

Jooheon ignores the question. “You’re both really good actors, aren’t you?” he asks. 

Changkyun glares at his best friend. “Yes,” he replies, tersely. He glances over Jooheon’s shoulder to make sure no one is listening in on them. 

“You know,” Jooheon continues, “Minhyuk mentioned something interesting while we were cooking.”

“What?”

Jooheon grins. “He said that Kihyun and I were lucky not to end up getting stuck in one of the rooms that only had a double bed,” he says. There’s a lilt of deviousness in his voice. Changkyun freezes mid-way through setting a plate down. “He said that there were three guest bedrooms with double beds. One bed for Hoseok and Hyunwoo, the couple. One bed for Wonwoo and Mingyu, who lost a bet with Minhyuk last week. And, that leaves — that’s right. One bed for you and Hyungwon.”

Changkyun licks his lips. His mouth has gone totally dry. “It’s not a big deal,” he mumbles. “Like you said, Wonwoo and Mingyu are sharing and they’re not a couple either.”

“No,” muses Jooheon, dragging out the syllable. “But they’re also not acting all couply and holding hands and snuggling and shit.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Jooheon sighs, takes the plate away from Changkyun and sets it down. Places both of his hands on Changkyun’s shoulders. “I want you to admit —  _ to yourself,  _ at least — that you like him for real,” he says, softly. Changkyun can hear the genuine affection in his voice. “You refused to admit that you liked Hoseok hyung, and you lost him. I don’t want to see that happen to you again.”

“Yeah,” Changkyun mumbles. He doesn’t quite know when looking at Hoseok and Hyunwoo together stopped making him feel a stab of pain behind his ribs. But he thinks it probably coincided with getting closer to Hyungwon. That’s not something he wants to think too hard about. He shrugs half-heartedly. “Maybe,” he says. “I don’t know.”

Jooheon looks like he wants to say more, but Minhyuk comes sweeping into the room, chattering excitedly about how incredible the food smells, and Jooheon falls silent. Jeonghan and Kihyun follow Minhyuk in, laden with dishes. Changkyun makes it a point to slip away from Jooheon, sits himself down at the opposite end of the table. He doesn’t want to the interrogation to continue during dinner.

As luck — or fate — or Changkyun’s subconscious — would have it, he ends up by Hyungwon’s side during dinner. The table is large, but not so large that Hyungwon’s shoulder doesn’t bump into his, or their knees don’t knock against each other, from time to time. Each moment of physical contact sends a jolt of electricity shooting through Changkyun, making him startle quite noticeably. Jooheon shoots him a knowing look, and now Changkyun realises it might have been wiser to sit next to Jooheon, where he couldn’t be scrutinised.

“Are you okay?” Hyungwon asks, as he places a particularly meaty piece of chicken on Changkyun’s plate. The gesture is so simple, so natural, and yet it makes Changkyun’s heart flip. Stupid Jooheon, putting stupid ideas in his head. Hyungwon nudges him with his shoulder. “You seem a little — jumpy.”

Changkyun grimaces. “I’m fine,” he replies feebly. 

Then Hyungwon reaches over, places a hand on his knee under the table, and gives it a reassuring squeeze. Or, at least, Changkyun thinks it’s meant to be reassuring. In reality, his heart is slamming so hard against his chest, the blood pumping so vigorously through his veins, that he can feel the artery in his neck throbbing. He opens his mouth to say something — he doesn’t know what — but his throat feels like it’s closed up. Thankfully, he’s saved from having to reply by Minhyuk leaping abruptly to his feet.

“Alcohol!” he shouts. “We forget to bring out the wine!” And then he darts into the kitchen, reappears brandishing two bottles of white wine. “And there’s red, too, for anyone who wants it — and lots of vodka and tequila for later!”

Jeonghan sighs. “We’re not going to go crazy, though,” he warns.

Minhyuk beams at him. “Of course not,” he declares, not sounding at all sincere. He waves the bottles of wine at the table. “Now, who wants a drink?”

“Me!” shouts Changkyun. Hyungwon’s still way too close to him, and his hand is still on his knee, and Changkyun’s skin is on fire. He ignores the raised eyebrow Jooheon is casting over in his direction, and the concerned frown from Kihyun. Accepts the glass that Minhyuk’s poured out for him, takes a large gulp.

“Hey, slow down, shortie,” chuckles Hyungwon from beside him. He says it with such casual affection. Changkyun takes another big gulp of his wine, as Minhyuk hands out more glasses. Hyungwon takes one, tilts it towards Changkyun. “Cheers?” he asks.

Changkyun looks at Hyungwon’s glass, then up to his face. His stupid, pretty, charming face. That’s currently grinning at him playfully and it makes Changkyun want to lean over and kiss him, and as the thought crosses Changkyun’s mind he feels his breath catch in his throat.  _ Holy shit.  _ He wants to kiss Hyungwon. What the fuck is that about?

Hyungwon laughs, waves the glass in front of Changkyun’s face. “You just gonna leave me hanging, or what?”

Changkyun gulps. Clinks his glass against Hyungwon’s, watches as Hyungwon takes a sip of his wine. Hyungwon’s gaze never leaves him. It makes Changkyun’s cheeks start to heat up.

He likes Hyungwon _ ,  _ he realises, with a start. Actually  _ likes _ him, in a more-than-friendly kind of way. In a “I wish we weren’t pretending to date but were actually dating” kind of way. Jooheon was right. 

Changkyun tries to calm himself down, but the force of the realisation — or rather, the admission of a fact that he thinks he’s secretly known about for a while now — makes his head spin. He tips the last of his wine down his throat, stretches out an arm to ask for more. His brain is foggy. The only thing that’s coursing through his mind is the thought that — he’s  _ fucked. _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is where the "bed sharing" tag comes into play... nothing too exciting though but it happens :)
> 
> as always, you can find me @notionxally on twitter or cc


	6. Chapter 6

 

 

The thing is, Changkyun hadn't intended on getting drunk. He’d had only a couple of glasses of wine, and a few — admittedly very strongly mixed — vodkas with orange juice, all washed down with a large amount of water. He’d been so tense all throughout dinner, still reeling from the realisation that yes, he did very much want to kiss Hyungwon, that he was just looking for a little alcohol-induced relaxation. So he was a little buzzed, sure, but only enough to take the edge off. He didn't quite trust himself to be around Hyungwon drunk. Who knew what he might end up blurting out?

Unfortunately, that also meant that he had nothing and no one but himself to blame for what happened that evening.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Should we play a game?” Minhyuk asks, as he flops down into the sofa, pressed up far closer to Kihyun than necessary. Not that Changkyun’s in any position — literally — to judge, since he’s back on Hyungwon’s lap, in the same armchair they’d shared before. He hums contentedly, sipping at his drink. Why does everyone in his friendship circle use so much vodka in their drinks? Fucking university students.

“What kind of game?” Mingyu asks, eyes glinting mischievously up as he sits up a little straighter. He bumps into Hansol, who giggles drunkenly.

Minhyuk grins. “What about truth or dare?”

Wonwoo objects to this, but Mingyu is a hundred percent on board, and — to Changkyun’s great surprise — Jooheon agrees as well. But then he sees Jooheon give him a sideways smirk, and Changkyun thinks he might have an idea for what’s up Jooheon’s sleeve.

In any case, after a prolonged period of chaotic argument, they — or, more accurately, Minhyuk and Mingyu — end up coming up with what Mingyu declares a “more interesting” variant of truth or dare, because “they’re not high schoolers any longer”.

“So you draw a card,” Minhyuk’s explaining loudly, waving the pack of cards in front of everyone’s faces, “and the number of the card means the person sitting that number of spaces away from you will have to be involved in your truth, or dare, whichever.”

Jeonghan frowns. “And it’s red for truth and black for dare?”

“No, the other way round,” replies Mingyu, tutting. “Pay attention.”

Changkyun glances over to Hoseok. Between them is Kihyun, then Minhyuk, then Hyunwoo. _Don’t draw a four,_ Changkyun thinks to himself, as if he can will that to happen. _Don’t draw a four._

Then he realises that he needs to check what card Hoseok would have to draw to get him, and Changkyun starts to feel his head go fuzzy. He furrows his brow, counting the other way — Mingyu, Hansol, Wonwoo, Jeonghan, Jooheon, Hyungwon, him. Seven. He takes a large gulp of his drink.

Minhyuk starts them off, drawing a four of clubs. Mingyu asks if he’s ever had a sex dream about Hansol, to which Minhyuk says yes. Hansol goes bright red but looks very pleased, while Minhyuk giggles and blows him a kiss. Kihyun looks distinctly less happy about this, which makes Changkyun smile. He must remember to tease Kihyun about it later.

The game proceeds, and Changkyun finds himself relaxing a little. The addition of the cards moves everything along more quickly, by narrowing in the range of potential truths and dares. Hoseok, thankfully, does not draw a seven. He gets a nine of diamonds, and ends up licking Minhyuk’s ear — which Minhyuk vehemently complains is more of a punishment for him than for Hoseok.

Wonwoo gets dared to kiss Mingyu, which turns into Mingyu tackling Wonwoo to the ground and planting a big smooch on his cheek, to the great delight of everyone except Wonwoo. Jooheon is dared to give Kihyun a lap dance, which he performs with great gusto, and Changkyun laughs so hard he almost chokes on his drink.

Then Hyungwon gets a two of spades and is asked if he thinks Minhyuk tops or bottoms, to which he replies, “generally bottoms unless it’s with Kihyun, then he tops”. This is met with such uproarious laughter — and indignant screeching from Kihyun — that Changkyun can’t help but feel a swell of pride. He tightens the grip of his arms, wrapped around Hyungwon, presses his cheek against the top of Hyungwon’s head. That’s _his_ fake boyfriend being so witty and charming. All fake, sure, but all his nonetheless.

Changkyun’s having such a great time that he doesn’t even realise it’s his go until Hyungwon’s giving him a nudge, gesturing at the stack of cards. Changkyun feels his throat go dry. He reaches over, picks the top card up and flips it over.

Ace of clubs. Changkyun almost lets out an audible sigh of relief.

Jooheon cackles and asks if he thinks he’s more handsome than Kihyun, to which Changkyun says yes. Kihyun chucks a cushion at his head, but he’s laughing, and Changkyun is too.

The game moves on, and Changkyun almost forgets where he is until he feels the warmth of Hyungwon’s breath against his ear.

“Hey,” murmurs Hyungwon, his lips just brushing against Changkyun’s skin. “For what it’s worth — I agree.”

Changkyun can feel his skin heating up. He downs his drink. “Agree about what?” he asks.

“That you’re more handsome than Kihyun,” continues Hyungwon. Changkyun can hear the smile in his voice. “You’re the most handsome one here.”

Despite himself, Changkyun’s cheeks lift as he grins. “Shut up,” he says, light-heartedly. “No, I’m not. You’re lying. Stop flirting with me.”

“Not lying,” Hyungwon insists.

“Well, you’re here, and you’re the most handsome, so yes you’re lying,” retorts Changkyun. The booze has clearly gone to his head if he’s blabbering on so confidently about how pretty Hyungwon is.

Hyungwon cranes his neck to look at Changkyun. “Who’s flirting now?” he teases.

Changkyun scrunches his nose up, clambering off Hyungwon’s lap. “Shut up,” he mumbles, then clears his throat to address the group. “Anyone want another drink?”

He stumbles into the kitchen to get himself another vodka orange, as well as a couple of beers for the others. There’s some loud yelling and laughing, and then the sound of someone tumbling onto the floor. Changkyun chuckles to himself as he wanders back out. Settles himself comfortably back into Hyungwon’s lap, like it’s the most natural thing to do. Whatever. He’s drunk and he likes being snuggled into Hyungwon. Sue him.

They’ve managed to finish the round without him, and Minhyuk insists they go the other way, “for fairness”, as if that’s a thing in truth or dare. But Minhyuk isn’t taking no for an answer, nor is anyone in any fit state to argue with him, so they go along with it. Kihyun gets dared to do a sexy dance for Jeonghan, and he’s clearly drunk enough to get really into it. Changkyun casts a glance at Minhyuk, who’s staring at Kihyun without blinking, gulping down his drink. Changkyun grins, waggles his eyebrows at Kihyun as he returns to his seat.

“Don’t look at me like that, it’s your turn,” scolds Kihyun.

Changkyun giggles, his head swimming from the alcohol, too tipsy to even try to figure out how many places away from Hoseok he is. He flicks the top card onto the coffee table without even looking at it, taking another big drink from his glass.

When he finally does look at the card, it takes him a moment before realisation sinks in.

Ace of hearts.

One person to his right. That’s Hyungwon.

He turns to Hyungwon, opens his mouth to speak, but Jooheon cuts him off.

“Kiss him.”

Changkyun’s heart stops. He feels it shudder dead in his chest. Hyungwon’s eyes are dark, and boring straight into him. He can’t look away. Not even to glare at Jooheon, who knows exactly what he’s doing.

“What?” he vaguely hears Minhyuk object. “They’re boyfriends — how is that a dare?”

“At least make out for like, five minutes!” Mingyu shouts.

“Five minutes? I don’t want to see that,” Wonwoo cries out.

There’s a commotion, and Changkyun thinks they settle on two minutes, but he isn’t really paying attention. Hyungwon is watching him with a look of uncertainty in his eyes, like he doesn’t know if Changkyun is okay with this. Like he’s afraid of crossing the line.

And maybe Changkyun wishes he could blame the alcohol. Maybe the alcohol lowered his inhibitions. But he’s tipsy, at most, not drunk. And he knows exactly what he’s doing when he slides his hands to cup Hyungwon’s cheeks, lets his eyes flutter shut, and leans in to press their lips together.

Changkyun had been painfully aware of everyone staring at them, but the moment his lips touch Hyungwon’s, all of that flies out his mind. All he can focus on is how soft Hyungwon’s lips are, how they seem to melt into his own. How he can sense the moment of hesitation, before suddenly Hyungwon’s hands are on his waist, and he’s taking Changkyun’s lower lip between his teeth, and it makes Changkyun lean into the kiss, fingers reaching back to run through Hyungwon’s hair.

And Changkyun’s the one who parts his lips, slips his tongue out, licks into Hyungwon’s mouth. Their tongues slide against each other, and a hot coil of desire twists suddenly, without warning, in Changkyun’s core. He feels Hyungwon’s fingers dig into his sides, and it tugs a breathless moan out of him.

“Okay, that’s way more than two minutes,” comes Minhyuk’s clearly delighted voice, far, far too soon. The interruption brings Changkyun back to his senses, and he jerks away so abruptly that he almost tumbles off Hyungwon’s lap. The only thing that keeps him from falling onto the floor is the fact that Hyungwon still has a tight grip on his waist. His cheeks flood with heat at the realisation.

“That was certainly something,” pipes up Jooheon, rocking back and forth in his seat on the floor. He beams up at Changkyun, cheeks dimpling. Changkyun pointedly ignores him.

Hyungwon picks a dare card next, and Changkyun shuffles grumpily to his feet when Mingyu dares him to kiss Jeonghan on the cheek.

“A lot of kissing for me, all of a sudden,” Hyungwon declares, laughing, and drawing chuckles from everyone else. This time, though, Changkyun doesn’t feel proud. He chews on his bottom lip as Hyungwon tilts Jeonghan’s chin up at him, angling his face to the side so he can press a soft kiss against his cheekbone. Does he really need to kiss Jeonghan so gently? Does he really need to touch him like that, look at him like that?

“You alright there, buddy?” Jooheon whispers, still grinning like the devil.

Changkyun quickly schools his face into an expression of neutrality. “Yeah,” he mumbles. “Shut up.”

Hyungwon returns, flops into the armchair, and pulls Changkyun back into his lap. Changkyun perches there a little stiffly. It takes Hyungwon a moment, fingers idly playing with the hem of Changkyun's sweater as they power through the next few turns, but he notices Changkyun’s iciness quickly enough.

“You jealous, shortie?” he murmurs. He sounds amused.

Changkyun huffs. Folds his arms, turns to watch Hansol mumble an incoherent response to whatever uncomfortable truth he'd been asked, words slurring messily, clearly drunk. “No, of course not,” he grumbles.

Hyungwon laughs, like he doesn’t believe him. And then, without warning, he gives Changkyun a peck on the cheek. Changkyun whips his head round to stare at him.

“There,” Hyungwon declares. He pokes Changkyun in the cheek. “You’re the only one I want to kiss.”

Changkyun blinks. “You don’t mean that,” he says.

“I don’t know,” replies Hyungwon. “I might.”

Hyungwon’s lips are so close, and it would be so easy for Changkyun to just — lean in. He swallows around the lump in his throat. The haze of alcohol swims through his consciousness. “Kiss me, then,” he mumbles.

There’s a beat of silence, and Changkyun’s starting to wonder if he’d actually said that out loud. Then Hyungwon slides one hand to the back of his neck, pulls Changkyun closer.

“Okay,” he breathes, and presses their lips together.

It’s just a quick, soft, kiss. It’s over before Changkyun even realises what’s happening. He exhales shakily, heart pounding. Hyungwon’s looking at him with something that looks like longing in his eyes. His gaze is magnetic, drags Changkyun in, drowns him in its depths.

“Huh,” Changkyun says, because he doesn't know what else to say. He's toying the idea with going back in for another kiss, when Kihyun's voice comes slicing through his awareness.

“Four of spades,” Kihyun’s saying, “that’s Changkyun.”

Changkyun turns, sees the mild concern in Kihyun’s eyes. Then he sees who the one holding the card is.

It’s Hoseok. Because of course Changkyun wasn’t going to get to escape the evening unscathed.

“Ah,” murmurs Minhyuk. He furrows his brow, glancing warily between Hoseok and Changkyun. He's clearly fully aware of their history, but there's also a haze of drunkenness casting a sheen over his gaze. “Oh no,” he says. “This might be awkward.”

Might be? It already is. Changkyun’s palms are clammy with anxiety. Afraid of what question Hoseok might be asked. Afraid of what might be his answer. He stares at Hoseok, can’t bring himself to look away. He can see his own fears mirrored in Hoseok’s gaze.

In the end, though, a loud yell from Jooheon snaps all of them out of it.

“I’m so sorry,” Jooheon’s apologising, reaching over to grab the box of tissues sitting on the coffee table. His glass is lying toppled over on the floor, his drink spilled everywhere. He balls up some tissues, chucks them on the ground to soak up the spill. Jeonghan’s already on his feet, retrieving a dishcloth from the kitchen with remarkable speed. Mingyu and Minhyuk, meanwhile, are laughing boisterously and stumbling over each other to help — both of them clearly extremely intoxicated.

“I think that’s all of our cues to go to bed,” Hyunwoo announces, standing up and steering Minhyuk away from the commotion, over towards Kihyun. Wonwoo follows his lead, tugs Mingyu up and starts leading him down the corridor towards — presumably — their shared bedroom.

Changkyun’s on his feet now, hovers nervously at the edge of the group. “Can we help?”

“No, it’s fine, go to bed,” Jooheon insists. Shoots Changkyun two thumbs up.

And suddenly, Changkyun understands. His best friend had just saved him from the inevitable awkwardness of whatever Hoseok’s truth would have been. Because Jooheon may love to tease, but in the end, he always has Changkyun’s back.

“Thank you,” he says, nodding firmly at Jooheon. Their gazes meet, and they both know what Changkyun is really thanking him for.

He feels a hand slide into his, their fingers intertwining. Looks up, to see Hyungwon smiling down at him.

“Let’s go,” Hyungwon says, tugging him along.

And so, Changkyun follows.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AJASKASJDKLDHFDJL!!! I know this chapter is just one big long scene but it's a scene I've had in my head since the Very Beginning, and I'm nervous now that we're here! I wanted their first kiss to be "not real" in a way because that's kind of the whole issue with their entire "relationship", that it's hard to tell what's real and what's not... please let me know what you guys thought :) and leave kudos/comments if you enjoyed!
> 
>  
> 
> as always, I'm @notionxally on twitter or cc


	7. Chapter 7

 

 

Changkyun realises while they're getting ready for bed that he's never seen Hyungwon this vulnerable before. He crawls into bed, tugs the covers up to his chin as he sits with his back against the headboard. Watches as Hyungwon haphazardly pats moisturiser into his face, the headband Changkyun had given him now proving exceptionally useful in keeping his hair off his face. He's in a soft, oversized t-shirt. The sleeves hang down to his elbows. He could probably even do without his sweatpants and not expose anything more than a lot of thigh.

And now Changkyun's thinking about Hyungwon's thighs. Wondering if the skin there is as soft as the skin on his face. As soft as his lips.

Changkyun clears his throat self-consciously. Darts his eyes away from the distracting tug of Hyungwon's presence.

“You still okay with sharing a bed?” he asks. Not that they have much choice at this stage.

Hyungwon glances at him. “Yeah, if you are,” he says, carefully.

Changkyun shrugs. “Yeah,” he mumbles. “Of course.” He can feel the warmth creeping into his cheeks, but he can't quite figure out why, beyond the fact that Hyungwon's standing in front of him, in his pyjamas, and still looks like a Greek god.

“I know we — you know, earlier,” Hyungwon says, as he turns out the main lights and switches his bedside lamp on. Climbs hesitantly into bed next to Changkyun, shrugs half-heartedly. Changkyun can see the tension in his shoulders. “It doesn't have to change anything.”

“What, the kiss?” asks Changkyun with faux-nonchalance. He waves a hand at Hyungwon dismissively. “It was all part of the act, right?”

Hyungwon just looks at him. He has a way of staring that makes Changkyun feel like he's seeing all of his secrets.

“Was it?” Hyungwon tilts his head to one side, studying Changkyun with that same steady seriousness. And Changkyun feels exposed, feels like he has nowhere to hide from the truth.

It surprises him, then, that he doesn't feel afraid.

“Maybe not,” Changkyun whispers. “I don't know. Is that okay?”

Slowly, but surely, a smile breaks across Hyungwon's face. He reaches over, gently brushes Changkyun's fringe away from his face. His fingers graze against the skin on Changkyun's forehead. The contact feels electric.

“That's okay,” Hyungwon breathes. “It’s all okay.”

Changkyun exhales slowly. The warm glow of the bedside lamp makes Hyungwon’s skin looks like its aflame. Makes Changkyun feel the same. He wants to lean forward, capture Hyungwon’s lips in another kiss. But they're alone, in bed together, dimly lit in a way that feels almost romantic. Kissing Hyungwon now would be too much of an admission. Though — an admission of what, Changkyun isn't sure.

In any case, Changkyun bites down on his own longing. “Let's go to sleep,” he mumbles, and Hyungwon nods, flicking the switch on the bedside lamp and plunging them into darkness.

It takes Changkyun's eyes a few moments to adjust, but soon he manages to pick out Hyungwon's features in the pale glow of the moonlight. He can see the soft smile playing on Hyungwon's lips.

“Goodnight, shortie,” Hyungwon murmurs, so quietly Changkyun wonders for a split second if he'd imagined it. 

But no, Hyungwon's watching him, waiting. Changkyun closes his eyes, trying to block out the swell of affection he feels when he looks at Hyungwon. But visions of big, pretty eyes and a coyly smiling mouth swim before his eyelids.

“Goodnight,” he whispers in reply.

Changkyun doesn't know how long he lies there, listening to the steady rhythm of Hyungwon's breathing or the pounding of his own heart. But he  _ wants,  _ so strongly that he can't bear to hold it in any longer.

So he stretches his arm out, finds Hyungwon's hand in darkness. Carefully laces their fingers together. Hyungwon shows no sign of being awake, or having noticed Changkyun holding his hand. But then his fingers close firmly around Changkyun's smaller hand, and Changkyun  _ knows. _

Hyungwon doesn't say a word, and neither does Changkyun. They just lie there in the moon-soaked silence, hands clasped in the gradually shrinking space between them.

  
  


 

* * *

 

 

Changkyun opens his eyes to the soft glow of morning sunshine. The air he's breathing is cold, but otherwise he's warm. He yawns, stretches.

That's when he realises. There's someone pressed up against his back, one long arm slung loosely around his waist, every exhale tickling the back of his neck.

Changkyun twists round. Hyungwon has his cheek squashed into the pillow, hair flopping messily across his forehead. His skin is luminous in the pale light, and his lips part ever so slightly as he releases a soft exhale. Changkyun studies the curve of Hyungwon's cupid bow, the way his upper lip just pouts over his bottom one. It makes him feel a tug of longing — and that’s just too complicated right now.

“Hey,” Changkyun whispers, trying to extricate himself from Hyungwon's embrace. “We should get up.”

But Hyungwon just grunts softly, turns his head more resolutely into the pillow. Changkyun suppresses a giggle, trying to ignore the hammering of his heart in his chest. Too dangerous. So he slides out from beneath Hyungwon, pulling a hoodie on before he heads into the living room.

To his great surprise, and despite the fact that it's almost midday, the only person awake is Jooheon. Changkyun sits at the kitchen island, across from Jooheon, who's buttering his toast.

“Morning,” he says. “Where's everyone? Where's Ki?”

Jooheon grins devilishly. “Our dear Yoo Kihyun didn't come back to our room last night, after putting Minhyuk to bed,” he says, waggling his eyebrows. Changkyun gapes at him, and Jooheon laughs. “Don't worry,” he adds, “I fully intend on interrogating him about it when he wakes up.”

Changkyun smirks. “Make sure you do so when I'm there,” he says. “I'm guessing everyone else is hungover.”

“Probably,” comes the reply. Jooheon pours himself a glass of orange juice, takes a bite of his toast. “Hyunwoo and Hoseok went for a morning run together, they were just leaving when I got up.”

Changkyun forces a half-hearted smile. “Cute,” he says, tonelessly. Helps himself to a glass of orange juice as well, sips it mutely.

Jooheon eyes him curiously. “I can't tell if you're secretly jealous or if you genuinely just don't care.”

“Yeah,” mumbles Changkyun. “Me neither.”

Jooheon hums thoughtfully, still watching Changkyun like there's something he wants to say. Finally he does, glancing away nonchalantly as if he’s remarking on the weather. “Did you and Hyungwon — you know? Last night?”

Changkyun splutters on his juice. Thumps his chest forcefully. “No!” he croaks out, when he finally stops coughing. “Nothing like that.”

“Interesting,” Jooheon muses. His eyes glitter deviously. “No more kissing, then?”

Heat floods Changkyun's cheeks. Not because they'd kissed after returning to their room, but because of how much he'd secretly wanted to. “You're the one who dared us to kiss,” he points out grumpily. 

“Just wanted to check something,” Jooheon replies, his voice low and frustratingly cryptic. Changkyun rolls his eyes.

“And? What's your conclusion?”

Jooheon grins at Changkyun, flashing his perfect pearly whites like a lion about to go in for the kill. “I didn't dare you guys to kiss, that second time,” he says, not answering Changkyun's question. Just smirks, nibbles at his toast triumphantly. “Yeah, I saw that. Nothing escapes Lee Jooheon, master detective!”

“Master pain in my ass, more like,” grumbles Changkyun. He snatches the second piece of toast off Jooheon's plate, chomps down on it. It's the least Jooheon owes him, after last night's dare and now this morning's interrogation. “I don't know what I'm doing, okay?” he admits, pouting. “But Hyungwon doesn't either, so at least we’re on the same page.”

“Are you?” Jooheon asks, because he’s surprisingly stubborn and refuses to let things go. But his voice turns soft, no longer teasing. He's serious, now. “Last I checked, Hyungwon wasn't the one still hung up on someone else and trying to make them jealous.”

Changkyun freezes. Jooheon's words click in his head. He lowers his half-eaten piece of toast. “I don't—” he starts, but then breaks off. He doesn't know where he's going with this, doesn't know what he wants to say. “That's not what it's like with me.”

And it's a surprise to himself as well, to realise that he's not lying. Sure, things are still a little awkward with him and Hoseok, but Changkyun no longer feels that painful twist in his chest when he sees Hoseok with Hyunwoo. He's no longer filled with regret when he realises that he'd let Hoseok slip through his fingers. And Hoseok certainly isn’t the person whose face floats into his mind when he closes his eyes at night.

“I don't think I'm hung up on Hoseok any more,” he admits quietly.

Jooheon nods sagely. He doesn't seem surprised. “Then why do you still need a fake boyfriend?”

Changkyun takes a deep, slow breath in. Exhales as evenly as he can manage. “Yeah,” he says, more to himself than anything else. “I guess I don't.”

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


By the time Hyungwon wakes up, the conversation has — thankfully — moved on. Mostly because Kihyun arrives downstairs with a constellation of love bites across his neck and collarbone, and both Jooheon and Changkyun nearly shit themselves with laughter.

“Before you ask — no, we didn’t have sex,” grumbles Kihyun, as Changkyun starts making kissy faces at him. “We just — you know. Made out a little.”

Jooheon cackles. “More like made out  _ a lot,”  _ he corrects, gesturing at Kihyun’s neck. 

They’re still interrogating Kihyun, half an hour later, when Hyungwon comes stumbling down the stairs. Jooheon’s the first to spot him, jerks his chin at Changkyun meaningfully, and so Changkyun turns. 

Hyungwon’s changed into an oversized knit sweater, and his hair is lightly tousled. He catches Changkyun’s eye, and smiles softly at him. It makes Changkyun’s skin heat up and his heart race, which is an absolutely ridiculous reaction to have to someone  _ smiling  _ at him. He chews on his bottom lip, turning his attention back to Jooheon.

“Morning,” Hyungwon greets, voice a little deeper and huskier than usual from sleep. He hops onto the seat next to Changkyun, rests his chin in both hands. “How is everyone?”

“Good,” replies Jooheon, grinning. “Some of us better than others, I believe.”

Hyungwon’s eyes widen for a brief second, before Jooheon gestures to Kihyun. He leans over, takes one look at Kihyun, and snorts. “Nice,” he teases. 

Kihyun scowls. “Not my fault Minhyuk’s a biter,” he complains, but there’s a faint pink flush to his cheeks that reveals just how much he likes it. He gets to his feet, heading over to the fridge. “I’m hungry — what’s there to eat?” he says, possibly just to escape the interrogation. Jooheon giggles and follows him, the two of them rifling through shelves and cupboards in search of more sustenance.

Hyungwon turns to Changkyun. He looks a little sleepy, but his eyes are bright nevertheless. “Did you sleep well?” he asks, softly. A little shyly. It’s endearing, and it makes Changkyun want to reach out and touch him.

He resists the urge. “Yeah,” is all he says. “Did you?”

“Really well,” comes Hyungwon’s reply. His words feel like they’re loaded with something — but Changkyun doesn’t know what. He looks down at his hands, at his fingers drumming a nervous rhythm on the marble of the countertop.

Watches as Hyungwon reaches out, places one hand over his own. Changkyun stops drumming his fingers. Looks up at Hyungwon. His gaze is heavy with meaning.

“Changkyun-ah,” he starts. There’s a weight to his voice, one that makes Changkyun’s nerves skitter with anxiety. He has a feeling he knows where this is going, and he’s just — he’s not ready.

“I’m hungry too,” he blurts out, abruptly, wrenching his hand back from Hyungwon. Leaps off his chair in a flustered panic. Hyungwon looks alarmed by his sudden movement, but then his expression of shock fades into mild amusement. 

Although — Changkyun thinks he can see the twinge of disappointment in Hyungwon’s eyes, in the way he lowers his gaze slightly, in the less-than-radiant light of his smile. He doesn’t really know what makes him do what he does next, except that Changkyun doesn’t like seeing Hyungwon sad, and especially doesn’t like thinking that he’s the one to make Hyungwon feel that way.

So he leans forward, one hand on Hyungwon’s arm to steady himself, and presses a kiss into Hyungwon’s cheek. 

When he steps back, Hyungwon’s eyes are wide in surprise, and his skin lightly flushed. He parts his lips to speak, but Changkyun doesn’t want to hear it. All he can focus on it the glow of happiness in Hyungwon’s eyes, and the thundering of his own heart.

“Come on,” he murmurs, tugging on Hyungwon’s hand. “Let’s get you some breakfast.”

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


Changkyun spends the day wrapped up in Hyungwon’s arms, lounging in the armchair that’s now become  _ their _ armchair, or tucked into Hyungwon’s side when Minhyuk wakes up and announces that they’re all going on a walk through the woods, no exceptions. Kihyun and Jooheon keep casting him concerned looks, but Changkyun ignores them all. He notices, once or twice, Hoseok looking at him — he ignores those looks as well.

They’re heading back from an unnecessarily long walk, the sun hanging low in the sky behind them. The air, which had been chilly to begin with, has turned quite cold. Changkyun rubs his hands together, bounces a little on the spot to keep warm.

“You cold?” Hyungwon asks, nudging him with his shoulder.

Changkyun pouts. “No,” he insists, even though he’s fucking freezing. Stupid Minhyuk and his stupid “let’s go for a walk, it’ll be beautiful!” — it’s certainly beautiful, but it’s also way too cold for Changkyun to properly enjoy any of the views.

“You should have put on an extra layer,” Hyungwon points out.

“Thank you for that well-timed advice,” replies Changkyun sardonically.

Hyungwon just laughs, which makes Changkyun scowl and stomp on ahead, the fallen leaves crunching noisily beneath his boots. They’re at the back of the group, trailing behind because Hyungwon is an exceptionally — but unsurprisingly — languid walker. And because Changkyun likes Hyungwon too much to just leave him behind in favour of walking at the head of the group with Jooheon.

But he’s contemplating actually abandoning Hyungwon, now that he can see the lodge just ahead of them and the prospect of warmth becomes too enticing to ignore, when a pair of arms suddenly come up behind him, and encircle him by the shoulders.

“Hyungwon!” Changkyun exclaims, trying to wriggle out of the straitjacket hold Hyungwon has him in.

“Just trying to keep you warm,” Hyungwon murmurs, his face buried into the side of Changkyun’s neck. Changkyun can hear the laughter in his voice. “Do you not like it?”

Changkyun whines in protest, even though he does like it — really fucking likes it, and that’s part of the problem. He wants Hyungwon, like this, all the time, but he doesn’t know if this Hyungwon genuinely belongs to him, or if it’s just for show.

So he pries Hyungwon off him, squirms away. “Hyungwon,” he mumbles, stepping away, but not letting go of Hyungwon’s hands. They’re not far from the lodge, and Changkyun can see their friends stumbling onto the porch and through the glass doors at the back of the building. But they’re just out of earshot, so Changkyun turns back to Hyungwon, and says, “This fake dating thing.”

Hyungwon’s face falls serious, his head tilted slightly to the side as he regards Changkyun carefully. “Yeah?” he asks. “What about it?”

“It’s just — what are we doing?”

Hyungwon quirks a half-smile, but Changkyun knows him well enough now to see the hint of tension around his eyes. “Fake dating,” Hyungwon says, his voice light, but his gaze still trained intently — so intently — on Changkyun. “Kind of self-explanatory, isn’t it?”

He’s skirting around the question, and Changkyun doesn’t blame him. Neither of them really seem to know how to talk about what they both know they have to talk about. 

“It started out as one thing,” Changkyun points out. He glances over to the lodge, to where he can see Hoseok pulling off his coat as he steps across the threshold of the sliding doors. Hoseok runs his hands through his hair, his jumper lifting a little to show a sliver of skin above the waistband of his jeans. Changkyun realises, with the weight of sudden clarity, that looking at Hoseok no longer makes his stomach flip with anxiety. 

He turns back to Hyungwon, blinking himself back to the present moment. “It started out as one thing,” he repeats, a little more firmly this time, “but it’s turned into something else.”

Hyungwon is silent for what feels like an eternity. Then he says, “okay,” slowly — like he’s not quite sure what Changkyun means. He looks confused. “What are you getting at?”

Changkyun chews on his lower lip. “Maybe it’s time for us to stop doing this,” he suggests. His brain swims with how to tell Hyungwon that he wants to give this — by which he means dating, for real — a go. An actual, honest to goodness, go. “This isn’t real, you know,” he mumbles. “Maybe it’s better to have something real.”

“Something real,” Hyungwon repeats. His voice is eerily empty of emotion. Changkyun can’t tell what he’s thinking at all. “What are you saying?”

“I just—” Changkyun starts. He has no idea where his sentence is going to go. He isn’t good at this kind of thing. Talking about his feelings. Being vulnerable. Being truthful.

Fortunately — or unfortunately, it’s hard at this point for Changkyun to tell — he doesn’t get to finish his thought, because Mingyu’s calling out to them from the porch, waving his arms above his head.

“Hey, lovebirds!” he shouts. Changkyun grimaces, which thankfully neither Hyungwon nor Mingyu seem to notice. “In or out?” Mingyu asks. “We’re going to lock the door, so if you want to stay out, come and get the keys!”

“We’re coming, hang on!” Changkyun yells back. He glances at Hyungwon. “We can talk more later?”

Hyungwon nods, smiles softly at him. “Sure, Kyunnie,” he says. His voice sounds a little less bright than it usually does, but then he’s ruffling Changkyun’s hair and laughing as he heads back towards the lodge. Changkyun grins, jogs up behind him to catch up. There’s a knot in his chest, but as he grabs hold of Hyungwon’s hand, he feels the knot slowly begin to unfurl.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/notionxally) / [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/notionxally)


	8. Chapter 8

 

 

Changkyun doesn’t get a chance to speak to Hyungwon alone for the rest of the evening.

But that’s okay, because he knows that he has Hyungwon’s attention anyway.

He helps Kihyun and Jeonghan with the cooking, chopping vegetables studiously, fully aware that Hyungwon keeps casting glances over towards him. It makes his heart flutter. Sometimes he looks up, and their eyes meet across the room, and Changkyun is filled with such a swell of affection that he can’t help but grin. One time, Hyungwon’s staring at him so intently that he’s clearly stopped paying attention to whatever Wonwoo is saying to him. Changkyun suppresses a giggle when he sees Wonwoo waving a hand in front of Hyungwon’s face to call him back to reality.

After dinner, they all sit by the fireplace, talking and laughing and just relaxing on their last evening there. Changkyun leans his head into Hyungwon’s shoulder, feeling sleepy and happy. He sips on his mulled wine, letting the soothing waves of conversation wash over him.

One hour slips into another, and Changkyun’s just as surprised as everyone else when Jeonghan points out that it’s nearly two in the morning. He yawns and stretches, giggles as Hyungwon catches his yawn, one hand over his face to try and stifle it.

“Bedtime, sleepyhead?” Changkyun asks, grinning lazily up at Hyungwon.

Hyungwon rubs at his eyes. “We had stuff to talk about,” he mumbles.

And so they do. But it can wait. “Tomorrow,” Changkyun promises. 

They all clamber to their feet, and Changkyun’s about to shuffle off to bed with Hyungwon, when Kihyun calls out to him. Changkyun stops, turns back in surprise.

“Kyun-ah,” Kihyun says, glancing between him and Hyungwon. “Help me bring the glasses into the kitchen?”

There’s a look in his eyes that makes it clear to Changkyun — he doesn’t actually need help with the glasses. So he nods, gives Hyungwon a small, apologetic smile. “You go to bed,” he says, “I’ll be there in a second.”

Kihyun watches as Hyungwon leaves, as everyone else leaves, until it’s just him and Changkyun left in the living room. Changkyun bends down, picks up a couple of wine-stained glasses, and starts bringing them into the kitchen.

“Changkyun,” Kihyun starts, following him in. 

“I know you have something to say,” Changkyun replies. He puts the glasses into the sink, then turns, leans back against the counter. He purses his lips, shoves his hands into his pockets. Waits for Kihyun to spit it out.

“It’s about you and Hyungwon,” Kihyun says, after only a brief pause. He’s never been one for beating around the bush. “You guys have been really...affectionate. You seem like a real couple.”

Changkyun looks down, shrugs. “I know,” he mumbles. “It’s getting a little confusing.”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “It doesn’t need to be,” he says. “He obviously likes you.”

This makes Changkyun scrunch his face up. “I wouldn’t say  _ obviously,” _ he protests. Because how can he be sure — how can  _ anyone _ be sure — of how Hyungwon feels, when everything they’re doing is premised on being an act. “We’re both just pretending.”

“Changkyun,” says Kihyun, a little sharply. “Why do you think Hyungwon’s agreed to keep this charade up for so long?”

Something twists uncomfortably in Changkyun. It feels like guilt. “He wants his groupies to know he’s taken,” he mumbles. It sounds feeble even to his own ears.

“Yeah?” counters Kihyun. “Where are those groupies, then? Doesn’t it make you curious?”

“What are you trying to say?”

Kihyun sighs, pinches his nose bridge. “I’m saying that maybe — just maybe — Hyungwon likes you a little too much for his own good. Because the only thing he’s getting out of this arrangement is getting to spend time with you.”

Changkyun can feel his heart rate speeding up. “Why would he — why does he need to pretend to be my boyfriend to do that?” he stammers out. “If he really liked me, he could just spend time with me.”

“As if you’d let anyone new into your life that easily,” comes Kihyun’s immediate response, and Changkyun has to concede that he’s right.

“I’m trying to tell him,” Changkyun says, gaze cast down. “I tried. I just — I don’t know what to say.”

Kihyun reaches out, places on hand on Changkyun’s shoulder. “It doesn’t need to be difficult,” he says. “If you like him, just tell him.”

Changkyun looks up. “I don’t know if I like him,” he says, panic flooding his veins like ice.

“You know perfectly well whether or not you do,” is all Kihyun says in response. He levels Changkyun with a piercing gaze. “All this while, we’ve been worried about you getting hurt,” he says, kindly, but also firmly. “But we’ve all forgotten one thing — you need to be careful not to hurt him, too.”

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


Changkyun stays behind after Kihyun leaves, volunteering to wash up all the glasses. He just needs some time alone to think.

He’s not sure how much time has passed, when he hears the sound of a door closing forcefully, like someone’s trying not to slam it, but can’t really help themselves. He puts away the last of the glasses, then wanders out into the living room, drying his hands on his jeans.

It’s Hoseok. He’s wandered out of his bedroom, unlocked the sliding glass doors leading out to the back porch, and is standing there in his t-shirt and sweatpants, leaning heavily against the railing.

Changkyun hesitates. He hasn’t spoken to Hoseok one-on-one in a long time. It had always been too painful, a stark reminder of what they had once been, of what Changkyun had carelessly thrown away.

But Hoseok wraps his arms around himself, rubbing his hands up and down his biceps — he looks cold. Unsurprising, considering it’s winter and he’s not at all appropriately dressed to be outdoors. And Changkyun realises that he’s concerned about Hoseok, in very much the same way he would be concerned about Jooheon, or Kihyun, in that same position.

So he drags two heavy, wool blankets off the sofa, slips out onto the porch with Hoseok.

“Bit cold to be out here.”

Hoseok startles, whips round in surprise. Maybe Changkyun’s imagining it, but his eyes seem puffy, and rimmed with red. 

“What are you doing here?” Hoseok asks. He’s fidgeting on the spot from the cold.

“Making sure you don’t freeze to death,” Changkyun replies, handing one blanket over to Hoseok, then settling himself on the bench and wrapping the blanket around himself. When Hoseok just stares at him, Changkyun rolls his eyes. Pats the space on the bench next to him. “For god’s sake, just sit down.”

And so Hoseok does, the two of them swaddled in their blankets, breath misting in the air before them. There’s a long, somewhat stilted silence, until Changkyun speaks.

“You okay?” he asks. “What’s prompted this late night wander?”

Hoseok shrugs, as best as he can under the blanket. “It’s nothing,” he mumbles, which is obviously a lie. They may never have been boyfriends, but they were friends — and more — for long enough that Changkyun can hear the waver in Hoseok’s voice.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Changkyun says. “But if you wanted to, I would listen.”

There’s another long pause, and Changkyun thinks that maybe he’s not going to get anything out of Hoseok. But then Hoseok sighs heavily, and speaks.

“I had a fight with Hyunwoo,” he admits, so quietly Changkyun wouldn’t have heard him if it wasn’t for the face that they’re sitting right next to each other, in the perfectly still night. He doesn’t know what else to say, so he waits, and Hoseok finally continues. “It was about you.”

That isn’t what Changkyun was expecting. But he tries not to show his surprise, just nods slowly. “What — what about me?”

Hoseok curls his knees up to his chest under the blanket, rests his chin atop them. “Hyunwoo thinks I'm still hung up on you,” he mumbles.

Changkyun feels his heart stutter and screech to a stop. “What?” he says, or — more like blurts out. “Why?”

Hoseok raises his gaze, peers up at Changkyun. “I guess — maybe because I am,” he says. “Hung up on you, I mean.”

“Hyung—” Changkyun starts, then trails off. He doesn't know what to say. This is all too reminiscent of the first time Hoseok had confessed to him, how soft and open and vulnerable Hoseok had been. And how taken aback and incapable of responding Changkyun had been. He can't believe this is happening again.

But Hoseok shakes his head firmly. “Sorry,” he says, “that's not — that's not fair to you. Or me. Or Hyunwoo. Or — Hyungwon.”

“That's okay,” murmurs Changkyun. He bumps into Hoseok's shoulder with his own. “I was really hung up on you for a while as well.” It feel strange, but oddly freeing to admit it. 

Hoseok lets out a soft chuckle, like he doesn't quite believe Changkyun. “Yeah, right,” he says lightly. “You don't need to lie to make me feel better.”

“No, seriously,” Changkyun says. He doesn't know why he's so keen on Hoseok understanding. Maybe it feels like closure. Maybe he just needs to say it out loud, to someone, anyone. “I kind of — I jumped into things with Hyungwon a little, because of how jealous I was of you and Hyunwoo.” 

Changkyun can admit that to himself now. He was jealous. And too full of pride to concede that. He presses his lips together, offers Hoseok a sheepish, close-lipped smile.

“Well, things worked out well with you and Hyungwon, in the end,” Hoseok says, giving Changkyun a small, sad smile. “You guys are cute together — that's part of what Hyunwoo and I ended up fighting about. I wanted him to be more affectionate with me.”

Changkyun frowns. “Hyunwoo really likes you,” he says. “He looks at you like — like you're precious.” The way Changkyun should have treated Hoseok.

Hoseok hums contemplatively, but doesn't respond to Changkyun directly. “I should treat him better,” he mumbles. “Stop thinking about you.”

“I don't know,” Changkyun replies, half-swallowing his words. He isn't sure if he's even allowed to say them. “I didn't stop thinking about you until — well, until I stopped trying so hard not to think about you. I started just focusing on Hyungwon and then, I don't know. I guess it faded.”

Hoseok is silent for a long pause. When he speaks again, his voice sounds faraway, like he's lost in thought. “What I don't understand,” he says, “is why you rejected me in the first place. If you were sad to lose me.”

“Yeah,” breathes Changkyun. “Me neither.” He inclines his head, peers at Hoseok. “I was scared, I guess.”

“What were you scared of?”

Changkyun exhales slowly, watches his breath curl from his lips like smoke. “I don't know,” he mumbles. “Scared that you liked me, scared that I liked you. Scared that — that you liked me only because you didn't know who I was, that once you found out you wouldn't like me anymore.”

Hoseok seems to be taking this all in, nodding contemplatively. He doesn't turn to look at Changkyun, just stares out into the deep, dark night. They're both so silent that when Hoseok speaks again, Changkyun startles slightly.

“Does being with Hyungwon not make you scared?”

It takes Changkyun a moment, but only because his answer surprises himself. “No,” he says, a small smile playing on his lips. “No, it doesn't.”

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


By the time Changkyun gets back to the room, Hyungwon's already asleep, curled up on his side. He tiptoes into the bathroom to change and get ready for bed, then slides beneath the covers behind Hyungwon. It’s cold, and Changkyun’s even colder for having been outside for so long. He shuffles a little closer to Hyungwon, a little closer to his warmth.

Hyungwon seems to sense movement, because he groans softly and rolls around, eyes still shut. “Kyun?” he mumbles blearily. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Changkyun whispers back. “Sorry for waking you — go back to sleep.”

Hyungwon murmurs something indistinct, seemingly already reclaimed by slumber. Changkyun stares at the vague outlines of his face, as much as he can make out in the darkness. Too close. Too dangerous. He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to will sleep to claim him. Rubs his feet together in a mostly-futile attempt to get warm. A shiver passes through him.

“Cold?” 

Changkyun opens his eyes. Hyungwon still looks asleep, but he’s clearly not. 

“A little, yeah,” Changkyun replies. “It’s fine.”

Hyungwon doesn’t say anything, and for a moment Changkyun’s left wondering if he’s fallen back asleep again. Then he feels Hyungwon’s arms reach out and wrap around his waist, tugging him close. Until his face is pressed up against Hyungwon’s chest, their legs tangled together.

“Better?” comes Hyungwon’s muffled murmur.

Changkyun feels himself smiling into Hyungwon’s chest. “Yeah,” he breathes, already feeling sleep’s tendrils winding along the edges of his consciousness. “Much better.” 

His eyes fall shut, and his breathing slows in time with Hyungwon’s.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> changkyun's figuring shit out, talking about his feelings - lil baby's growing up!! two more chapters to the end... just a little bit more of hyungkyun struggling with their feelings to get there hehe
> 
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	9. Chapter 9

 

 

Changkyun doesn’t like waking up. But he’s finding that he doesn’t mind it so much when he gets to wake up like this. Hyungwon curled up behind him, face pressed into his neck. Wrapped up in Hyungwon’s arms, warm and safe and full to almost bursting with happiness.

“Hey,” he murmurs, wriggling round so he’s facing Hyungwon. “Good morning.”

Hyungwon cracks one eye open at him. “No,” he says, flatly, voice slightly croaky. “Back to sleep.”

But Changkyun’s already been awake for a bit, just lying contentedly in Hyungwon’s arms, and he’s ready to get up. He reaches up, prods at Hyungwon’s cheek. “I’m hungry,” he pouts.

“And that’s my problem, why?” grumbles Hyungwon, but Changkyun can hear the smile in his voice. He pinches Hyungwon’s cheek, which draws out a low whine of complaint from Hyungwon.

“Come have breakfast with me,” Changkyun says. “We’re going to have to leave soon.”

Hyungwon makes more grumbling noises, but he lets Changkyun half-drag, half-roll him out of bed. There’s a bleary look in his eyes, but it’s affectionate as well. He doesn’t even resist when Changkyun tries to shove the bunny headband onto his head.

“What time did you get to bed last night?” Hyungwon asks, pulling a hoodie over his head. “Sorry I fell asleep without you, I was so tired.”

Changkyun grins from his spot on the armchair, legs curled up beneath him, and shakes his head. “That’s okay, it was almost three by the time I got in. I’m glad you didn’t wait up.” He can’t tell if Hyungwon remembers cuddling him to sleep or not. Guess he’ll never find out.

Hyungwon makes a murmuring noise of acknowledgement. “You were talking to Kihyun for almost an hour?” he asks, reaching out a hand to pull Changkyun up. Doesn’t release it, even as they leave the bedroom and start to head downstairs for dinner.

Changkyun hesitates. He rubs his thumb over the back of Hyungwon’s hand. “Nah,” he mumbles, “I went and sat out on the porch for a bit as well.”

“In this weather?” Hyungwon sounds incredulous, laughing lightly. “Why on earth did you do that?”

_Because I wanted to talk to Hoseok,_ Changkyun thinks. But he can’t bring himself to say that. Nothing happened with Hoseok, but still it feels like a betrayal. Guilt bubbles up in him. Things are so good with Hyungwon now, and Changkyun is finally starting to feel relaxed, and happy. He doesn’t want to do anything that might ruin it. Hyungwon, and Hoseok. They’re like two different parts of him, and he wants to — _needs to_ — keep them separate.

“I just — had some thinking to do,” Changkyun finally manages to say.

Hyungwon raises an eyebrow. “By yourself?”

Changkyun shrugs, half-heartedly. “Yeah,” he mumbles. “I guess.” Praying that Hyungwon will just leave the conversation be.

As it is, they arrive on the ground floor to shouts coming from the kitchen, and all is quickly forgotten as it quickly becomes apparent that Minhyuk is attempting — key word being _attempting_ — to flip pancakes. Kihyun is screeching at him in panic, while Minhyuk flips with boundless delight and no skill whatsoever. Changkyun giggles to himself. Kihyun may fancy Minhyuk, but he’s also a control freak — particularly in the kitchen. This should be amusing to watch.

“Morning,” Jooheon greets, from where he’s chopping fruits with Jeonghan and Hansol.

Hoseok turns in his seat at the kitchen island. “Did you guys sleep well?” he asks. Hyunwoo is standing behind him, his arms draped around Hoseok as he watches Minhyuk and laughs.

Changkyun clears his throat loudly. “Yes, great, even though I stayed up till three,” he says, pointedly. “Out on the porch. By myself. Thinking.” Gives Hoseok a meaningful look and a small, almost imperceptible shake of his head.

Hoseok looks slightly confused for a split second, but then realisation dawns on him. Don’t mention their late night conversation, okay. He nods, shrugging, and turns back to the spectacle of Minhyuk flipping a pancake so badly it folds in half like an omelette. The way he and Hyunwoo are so casually draped over each other — it feels like they’ve worked things out. Changkyun smiles to himself. He’s genuinely happy for Hoseok.

“Oh my god, why is there so much _yelling?”_ Mingyu comes stumbling out of his bedroom, Wonwoo following close behind. “It’s way too early for this.”

“It’s eleven-thirty,” Jeonghan points out.

Mingyu scrunches up his face. “I repeat — way too early,” he grumbles, flopping down into the seat next to Hoseok. “Especially since these two were up so late,” he adds, jerking his chin in the vague direction of Hoseok. And Changkyun.

Changkyun’s heart stutters to a stop.

“Which two?” Jeonghan asks, absentmindedly. He’s not really paying attention, just sliding the cut strawberries and bananas onto a plate to be added to the pancakes, if Minhyuk manages not to ruin them all. But Changkyun can feel his palms going clammy.

“Hoseok and Changkyun,” replies Mingyu casually.

“Oh?” Hyungwon says, turning to Mingyu. He sounds perfectly nonchalant, but Changkyun knows better than that. He knows he’s been caught in a lie, and he knows Hyungwon’s realised it.

But Mingyu is completely unaware of the havoc he’s wreaking. “When I came out to get a glass of water at like, two-thirty,” he explains, reaching over to grab a strawberry and pop it into his mouth. “You guys were still out on the porch talking. What time did you end up getting to bed?”

Changkyun can feel Hyungwon looking at him, but he can’t bring himself to meet his gaze. Nor can he speak. His throat feels like it’s closed up completely.

Hoseok casts a sideways glance at him, before turning back to Mingyu. “Not long after that,” he says. “We were just chatting.”

“Still, I’m surprised you’re all already awake,” Mingyu says, humming lightly under his breath as he wanders towards Minhyuk, peers over his shoulder at the ruined pancake. The conversation moves on, but Changkyun feels mired in quicksand.

“You were talking to Hoseok last night?” Hyungwon asks, quietly, once the attention has shifted off them. He doesn’t sound angry, or accusatory. Just — faintly curious, like he’s asking if Changkyun liked the food or if he wanted a glass of water. But he’s always been so controlled.

“Yeah,” Changkyun replies. He looks up at Hyungwon. “Sorry — I meant to tell you.”

_Lie._ Changkyun had no intention of telling Hyungwon. His stomach twists.

Hyungwon just shrugs. “Don’t worry about it,” he says. “You don’t have to tell me anything. It’s not like we’re real boyfriends, right?”

Changkyun swallows around the lump in his throat. “Right,” he replies, forcing a tight smile. “Of course not.”

Not real boyfriends. It’s the truth — but it stings in a way that it shouldn’t.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Hyungwon doesn’t bring it up again, and neither does Changkyun. If he doesn’t think too hard about it, he can almost trick himself into believing that Hyungwon doesn’t mind, isn’t affected by it at all.

But there’s a distance between them now, Changkyun can tell. He can’t quite explain what it is, but he can _feel_ it. It’s in the way Hyungwon puts his arm around his shoulders but doesn’t pull him close, the way Hyungwon compliments him without looking in his eyes, the way Hyungwon smiles like he’s just waiting for a tedious punishment to be over.

Changkyun doesn’t know how he used to wonder if everything Hyungwon was doing was for show. Now he knows what doing something “for show” feels like, and it doesn’t feel good.

The drive back is just as torturous. Hyungwon says the backseat is too cramped for him, and calls shotgun, leaving Changkyun in the back with Jooheon. There’s nothing explicitly hostile about the way Hyungwon is being, but it’s like the shutters are down. And now that Changkyun’s been given a glimpse into what Hyungwon’s like behind the facade, seeing him so closed off again — it hurts.

All of it leaves Changkyun so morose that Jooheon leans over, halfway through the drive back to their dorms, and asks in a low whisper, “Are you okay?”

Changkyun forces a smile. “Yeah,” he mumbles. “Just tired.”

But the feeling of despair mounts in him, until Changkyun can bear it no longer. They pull up at Hyungwon’s building, and Changkyun all but leaps out of the car after him. “Heon-ah,” he says, “can you take care of my bag? I just need to talk to Hyungwon about — something.”

Hyungwon, standing on the other side of the car, holding his bag, gives Changkyun an inscrutable look. There’s both confusion, and displeasure written there. Changkyun ignores it, waving goodbye to Kihyun and telling Jooheon that they’ll grab dinner together once he’s back.

“Did you actually have something to talk to me about?” Hyungwon asks, tilting his head at Changkyun, once Kihyun drives away. He makes no move to go into his building, or to invite Changkyun in.

“No,” replies Changkyun, instinctively. Then, “Yes,” he says, correcting himself. The air is cold, and he shoves his hands into the pockets of his coat. Thinks about how much nice it would be to hold Hyungwon’s hands instead. His mind wanders, and suddenly he realises he has no idea what he wants to say to Hyungwon, only that _something_ needs to be said. He rocks back and forth on his heels. “Uh, can I come upstairs with you?”

Hyungwon looks deeply reluctant, but he shrugs, and punches the code into the keypad. The building’s front door unlocks with a loud, and somewhat alarming, buzz. It makes Changkyun jump. The corner of Hyungwon’s mouth quirks up in a smile as he watches Changkyun, who grins sheepishly and heads into the building and up the stairs behind Hyungwon.

“This is the first time I’ve been in your flat,” Changkyun says, conversationally, as Hyungwon unlocks the door and lets them both in. It’s a studio apartment, and in the far corner, behind a floor-to-ceiling shelving unit, Changkyun can see Hyungwon’s bed. Covered in cushions, just the way Changkyun’s seen it countless of times, in all of the selfies Hyungwon’s sent him over the past few months. And in that first ever selfie Hyungwon sent him. The memory of it tugs at his chest.

Hyungwon drops his bag onto the sofa, then stands there, looking at Changkyun. Changkyun’s hovering awkwardly in the middle of the small, but relatively tidy, living area, eyes wandering as a way to avoid meeting Hyungwon’s gaze.

“Changkyun,” Hyungwon says, firmly. “What are you doing here?”

Changkyun shoots Hyungwon a goofy grin, in a half-hearted attempt to lift the mood. “Is that any way to talk to your fake boyfriend?”

It doesn’t work. Hyungwon just stares at him. “Seriously, Changkyun,” he says. Hyungwon can be unnervingly serious when he wants to be. “What is it?”

Changkyun chews on his bottom lip. “About last night,” he starts. Breaks off, hesitating. He looks away from Hyungwon, then back again. Hyungwon’s still levelling him with that same, steady gaze.

“You don’t have to explain anything to me.”

Changkyun frowns. But he _wants_ to. “I was just talking, to Hoseok hyung,” he presses on, refusing to give up. Trying to ignore the adrenaline suddenly coursing through his veins. Why is he so nervous? Why is he so afraid?

“I know,” Hyungwon replies.

“Nothing happened.”

“I know that too.”

Changkyun doesn’t get it. He feels like something’s cracking between them, their communication breaking down. “Are you upset that I was talking to Hoseok hyung?”

Hyungwon shakes his head. “I don’t have any right to be upset about that.”

“But are you?”

“No,” replies Hyungwon, almost instantaneously.

Changkyun pauses. “Are you upset I didn’t tell you?”

This time, Hyungwon doesn’t respond immediately. He frowns, looking down. Like he’s trying to figure out a puzzle in his mind. “No,” he says, finally. “Not upset.”

There’s an unspoken ‘but’ hanging in the air between them. Changkyun can feel the weight of it pressing down on him. “Then what?” he asks quietly.

Hyungwon looks up at him again. “We’ve been acting like all of this is simple,” he replies, except it’s not really a reply at all. It just makes Changkyun feel more confused. “But it’s not simple. And this was just — a reminder of that. A reminder that it’s complicated.”

“It doesn’t have to be complicated,” Changkyun says. “I don’t — I don’t like Hoseok hyung that way. Not anymore. We’re just friends.”

“Really?” Hyungwon doesn’t sound like he believes him. “Then why did you feel like you needed to keep it a secret? The fact that you were talking to him?”

And — Changkyun has no answer to that. Truthfully, he doesn’t know. All he knows is that it hadn’t felt _right,_ telling Hyungwon about it. And maybe that’s the whole point. That Changkyun’s not as over it as he thinks.

But he does know one thing, one thing that it’s taken him far too long to figure out and even longer still to admit to himself.

“I think I like you,” he blurts out, without thinking. Freezes, lets the words sink in. “I think that I like you,” he repeats.

The air between them is completely still. And then Hyungwon lets out a small huff of air, half-laugh and half-sigh. He smiles wryly at Changkyun.

“I think I like you too.”

But those words don’t sound the way Changkyun thought they would. He’d thought they would sound like — _enough._ Instead they just sound hollow.

“You were right, Changkyun-ah,” Hyungwon says, when it becomes clear that Changkyun’s not going to say anything more. “You were right, that it’s better to have something real. All of this pretending — it’s too confusing.”

None of this makes any sense. Changkyun feels like Hyungwon is speaking in riddles, and he’s too stupid to understand any of it. “What does that mean?” he asks.

“I just — maybe the winter break’s coming at a good time. You know?” Hyungwon shrugs. “Give us some time and space to — think.”

Changkyun digs his teeth into his bottom lip to keep it from trembling. Grits his teeth, trying to keep his voice steady. “Are you — are you breaking up with me?”

Hyungwon stares at Changkyun. His eyes are dark, and impenetrably sad. It makes Changkyun’s chest tighten.

“Can’t break up if you were never going out,” Hyungwon says.

Infallible logic. Changkyun quirks a lopsided smile. “Are you fake-breaking up with me, then?”

“Maybe,” Hyungwon replies. He smiles sadly. His voice is heavy, like Changkyun’s heart feels. “I can’t figure out whether any of this is real or not. And I don’t think you can either.”

And Changkyun wishes he could deny it, but how can he? Not when he’s been feeling the same way for weeks now, all of his different feelings for different people mushed up into an indistinct, chaotic mess. He thinks he likes Hyungwon, but does he just like having someone around? He thinks he’s over Hoseok, but does he just think that because he has someone else to fill the hole in his heart?

Nothing makes sense anymore, except for one thing. Hyungwon’s right. They need both the time and the space to think.

Doesn’t mean Changkyun has to like it, though.

“I should go,” is what Changkyun finally says, after what feels like an interminable silence. He steps away from Hyungwon. “I guess — I’ll see you after the break?”

Hyungwon nods. “Yeah,” he mumbles.

Changkyun is about to turn, and leave, and run all the way back home so he can crumple into Jooheon’s arms, when Hyungwon stops him. “Hang on,” Hyungwon says, and Changkyun’s heart soars with hope, because maybe this doesn’t need to be this way, maybe they can figure out a way through the mess together.

But then Hyungwon’s unzipping his bag, rummaging around, and Changkyun’s heart plummets into the pits of his stomach. He feels physically sick, feels the world swimming around him as Hyungwon finds what he was looking for, pulls it out.

The headband. Soft and furry and resting sadly in Hyungwon’s hand.

It’s the mirror of image of when Changkyun had been the one to dig it out of his own bag and give it to Hyungwon. Except this time, it’s totally different.

“You should take this back,” Hyungwon says. It sounds almost like an apology.

Changkyun doesn’t want it, but he can understand why Hyungwon wants to return it. He takes it from Hyungwon, stuffs it into the pocket of his coat without even looking at it. Nods firmly, then walks to Hyungwon’s door. His hand rests on the doorknob, and he hesitates.

“Bye,” he says, quietly. He doesn’t turn around. But he can feel Hyungwon’s gaze on him. It prickles on the back of his neck.

“Goodbye, Changkyun-ah,” Hyungwon says.

And so Changkyun pulls the door open, steps through, and leaves.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you think it would be that easy? it wouldn't be a notionally fic if it was lmao... I know hyungwon's decision seems sudden, but (as a fellow capricorn) I like to think of him having kept a lot of uncertainties and insecurities bottled up for a very long time. and this was the last straw because it was like, even when it seems so so good hyungwon has realised that the situation still makes him feel so so shitty. anyway, hope you liked it! happy ending next chapter, I promise :)
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/notionxally) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/notionxally)


	10. Chapter 10

 

 

Changkyun isn't a crier. He didn't cry when Hoseok ended things with him. He didn't cry when any of his previous relationships — short-lived as they had been — had ended. 

It's not that he doesn't have feelings. It's that he doesn't let himself feel them.

This time is different. 

He at least manages to make it all the way back home, eyes dry. But the moment he shuts the front door behind him, and Jooheon looks up at him from where he’s seated on the sofa, Changkyun shatters.

“It’s okay,” Jooheon's murmuring, rubbing soothing circles into Changkyun's back. There's a definite twinge of panic in his voice, probably because he isn't used to seeing this side of Changkyun. But he keeps his arms around Changkyun and whispers comforting words into his ear and that's enough. 

Changkyun hiccups, rubs angrily at his eyes with the back of his hand. “It’s so stupid,” he says. “We weren't even actually going out. We didn't actually break up.”

Jooheon shrugs, interlacing his fingers with Changkyun's. “It was more real than either of you realised,” he says. “That's why it hurts.”

“Yeah,” Changkyun mumbles. It does hurt, hurts like a vice on his chest, squeezing all the air in his lungs out of him, until he can barely take a single breath. He collapses back onto the sofa, head tipped up and staring at the ceiling. “Jooheon,” he asks, “will it all be okay?”

“With Hyungwon?”

“I guess.”

Jooheon pauses. “I don't know,” he says. “Maybe when he comes back from winter break you guys can work it out. Or maybe this is it, and you don’t get a second chance. I don't know.”

Changkyun doesn't need Jooheon to tell him this, but in an odd way he'd needed to hear it. To face reality head on, instead of pretending that everything would be sunshine and rainbows. Maybe that's his lesson. To grab the truth by the horns.

He’s quite for a moment, and then he tilts his head at Jooheon. “Will I be okay?” he asks. He knows the answer to this, too. But he wants to hear it.

Jooheon lets out a soft chuckle, twining his fingers through Changkyun's hair and gently raking his nails along Changkyun’s scalp. 

“Yes,” he says, firmly, with unwavering certainty. “You'll be okay.”

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


The four weeks of winter break pass Changkyun by in a haze. Each day seems to drag on, the silence of his phone blaring out at him like a siren, reminding him that where he used to text Hyungwon almost every single day, now all that’s left between them is — nothing. 

But he carries on, and starts to feel better. Spends lots of time with his parents, just wandering around his hometown — trying not to think about the fact that it’s Hyungwon’s hometown too, that he might run into Hyungwon round any corner (he never does). And he calls Jooheon lots, Kihyun a few times as well. Even stays with Jooheon’s family for a few days.

And though each day seems interminable, by the time he heads back to campus for the spring term, Changkyun’s feeling a little bewildered at where all the time had gone. He’s glad to see Jooheon and Kihyun again, though. The first night that they’re all back, they have dinner at their usual ramyeon place, just round the corner from Kihyun’s. Changkyun feels like he’s come home.

They’re huddled over their steaming bowls of noodles, when Changkyun feels Kihyun’s eyes on him. He pulls a face as he slurps up a mouthful of ramyeon. “What?” he mumbles around his food.

“Don’t talk when you’re eating,” Kihyun scolds. But he doesn’t sound like he means it. “Seriously, though. How are you doing?”

Changkyun shrugs, trying to stay nonchalant. It’s the first time he’s seen Kihyun since the break up that wasn’t a break up, so he supposes the conversation was going to turn to this one way or another. “Fine,” he says. Kihyun raises an eyebrow at him, and Changkyun grimaces. “Honestly. I’m fine.”

Jooheon’s now also joined in with staring at Changkyun intently. Great. “Are you going to talk to him?” he asks.

Changkyun shrugs. “Maybe? I don’t know,” he says. “Maybe he doesn’t want to talk to me. He didn’t even text me over the break.”

“Neither did you,” Kihyun points out.

“How do you know that?”

“He told me.”

Changkyun narrows his eyes at Kihyun. “You were talking to him?”

“You guys seem to forget that Hyungwon and I are friends,” Kihyun says, rolling his eyes. “We were friends even  _ before _ the two of you started going out.”

“ _ Fake _ going out,” Changkyun corrects.

Kihyun lets out a huff of laughter. “You guys were doing all the things real couples do,” he says. “Calling it something else doesn’t change what it is. You’re both so stubborn about this.”

“Have you been talking to Hyungwon  _ about this?”  _ Changkyun gapes at Kihyun. 

“You meant a lot to Hyungwon too, okay? It’s hard to talk to him  _ without  _ the topic of you coming up.”

Changkyun blinks at Kihyun. This is all coming as news to him, although perhaps it shouldn’t. “What did he say about me?”

“I’m  _ not _ telling you that.”

“Why not?”

“Because he told me in confidence,” Kihyun shoots back. “Why do you even want to know?”

Changkyun pouts. “No reason,” he mumbles. “It might help me decide whether or not to talk to him.”

Kihyun shakes his head firmly. “Even more reason not to tell you,” he says. “You’re always doing this, you know? Trying to only make decisions that don’t involve risk. Whether it’s refusing to admit you liked Hoseok, or concocting a fake boyfriend to protect your pride, or keeping that boyfriend thing fake instead of just telling him you like him.”

Jooheon, who’s thus far been sitting and watching this exchange silently, sucks in a hiss of air. “Ooh,” he says. “The call out.”

Changkyun shoots him — and Kihyun — a dirty look. 

“You know I’m right,” Kihyun says, raising an eyebrow and slurping up some of his noodles, looking annoyingly triumphant. “Besides,” he adds, after finishing his mouthful of food, “he didn’t tell me anything, anyway. All he did was mope about how sad he was, which you were doing plenty of as well.”

Changkyun sticks his tongue out at Kihyun. “And you’re not doing a great job of comforting me,” he complains.

Kihyun smirks. “You don’t need more comforting,” he says. “You need some sense knocked into you.”

At this, Jooheon snickers into the back of his hand. Changkyun elbows him in the ribs. “Go on then,” he says to Kihyun. “Knock some sense into me. What’s your advice?”

“My advice? Stop lying,” Kihyun replies, without missing a beat. “To other people, but also to yourself. It’s just — maybe it’s time to come clean.”

Jooheon nods eagerly. “And it’s spring!” he adds. “Perfect time for new beginnings.”

Changkyun pouts. He knows Kihyun is right, he really does. But he’s not sure how to make a new start. So he just shrugs, changes the topic. “What about you, anyway?” he asks, cocking his head at Kihyun. “Any progress with Minhyuk?”

“Oh?” Kihyun replies. He grins. “Yeah, he’s my boyfriend now.”

Jooheon chokes on his soup, spluttering ungracefully. Changkyun thumps him on the back, hard, all the while gaping at Kihyun. “And you left this till  _ now _ to tell us?” he accuses. “Why wouldn’t you lead with that?”

Kihyun just beams at them. “More fun this way,” he says.

And god — if they weren’t best friends, Changkyun could have throttled him there and then.

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


Changkyun stares at his phone. 

There’s a message typed out, but his thumb hesitates over the ‘send’ button. It’s a simple ‘ _ do you want to meet for coffee?’ _ but still — his heart pounds in his chest. All of the lies started here, and it’s here that he’s going to end them.

He presses send.

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


“Thanks for meeting me for coffee,” Changkyun says, once they’ve ordered their drinks and have sat back down at the table, in the far corner of the coffee shop. He stirs his latte studiously, just for something to do with his hands.

Across the table from him, Hoseok smiles. “Of course,” he replies. “Is everything okay?”

Changkyun looks up. “Yeah,” he says, nodding. “I just — I have something I need to tell you.”

Hoseok frowns, tilting his head to one side, but he doesn’t say anything. Changkyun takes a deep breath. His hands feel shaky, but that’s okay. He can do this.

“Hyungwon isn’t my boyfriend.”

Hoseok looks confused, his lips parting, then pressing closed again. “Did you guys break up?” he asks. “Why — why are you telling me this?”

“No — I mean, I guess we did, but — no,” Changkyun mumbles. He shakes his head, trying to clear his foggy brain. “What I mean to say is, Hyungwon was  _ never _ my boyfriend. I asked him to pretend to be my boyfriend. My fake boyfriend.”

A long silence. Hoseok stares at Changkyun, and Changkyun wishes he could look away, but he can’t. He meets Hoseok’s gaze, tries not to read too much into his expression. But he can see the surprise in his raised eyebrows, the bewilderment in the twist of his lips, even the mild anger in the tightness around his eyes.

When he finally speaks, all Hoseok says is one word. “Why?” 

Changkyun hesitates. To protect his pride, supposedly. To make Hoseok jealous. But he’s been digging deeper, and he thinks there’s a more fundamental truth.

“I was selfish,” Changkyun says, quietly. “When we were together, it was like — I wanted to be in a relationship, without having any of the responsibilities that it came with. And it wasn’t fair to you, but I sort of — I expected you would hang around. But then you found someone else and I just — I felt like I’d lost.”

“It’s not a competition, Changkyun-ah.”

Changkyun nods. “I know that now,” he mumbles. “But I also — wanted someone there, I guess. Jooheon said I just wanted to be in a relationship without being in a relationship, and he’s right. That’s what it was with you, and that’s what it was with Hyungwon.”

He can feel Hoseok’s gaze on him, steady, and like its boring into his soul. “But you actually like him now,” he says. It’s not a question.

“Yeah,” Changkyun says. “Am I that transparent?”

Hoseok shrugs. “You’re different with him,” he says. “More relaxed, less guarded. Bits of you that I only got to see glimpses of. Like you didn’t feel the need to be cool and unphased all the time.”

Changkyun smiles wryly. “Well, unfortunately he doesn’t seem to want anything more to do with me.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Hoseok replies, softly. “The way he he looks at you…”

“He’s a very good actor.”

“Not that good.”

Changkyun rubs his hands across his face. “I messed things up with him,” he says.

Hoseok reaches across the table, tugs gently on Changkyun’s wrists to pull them away from his face. Holds his hands on the table, smiling warmly at him all the while.

“Kyun-ah,” he says. “I thought I messed things up with Hyunwoo too, you know?” Changkyun frowns, nods uncertainly, and waits for Hoseok to continue. 

“He was always there for me when I was torn up about you, and I took him for granted. I think I got really fixated on the fact that you’d told me you weren’t ready for a relationship, but then turned around and got a boyfriend so quickly.”

Changkyun grimaces. He hadn’t considered the effect that one-eighty would have on Hoseok. Like he’d said — selfish. But hopefully trying to improve. “Sorry,” he says, sheepishly. “I was a real dick to you, huh?”

Hoseok laughs, pats Changkyun’s hands. “A little, but that’s okay,” he says, good-naturedly. As always, Hoseok’s too good, too kind, too forgiving, for Changkyun. “The point is,” Hoseok continues, “that once I figured out that that was what I was hung up on, and talked to Hyunwoo about it, we managed to fix things. And we’ve been doing really well ever since.”

Changkyun sighs, frowning and looking at Hoseok. “Do you think I can make things right with Hyungwon too?”

“Don’t know,” Hoseok says. “But you won’t know until you try.”

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


Changkyun stands outside Hyungwon's building. He doesn't actually know Hyungwon's unit number. Tries to recall if he'd seen a number on the door, that one time he'd been there before winter break. He could always text Hyungwon, but there's no guarantee Hyungwon would see it any time soon.

He's dithering about when the door swings open. The resident leaving gives him a funny look, but doesn't say anything when Changkyun bows politely and darts in before the door can slam shut again. He at least remembers how to get to Hyungwon's flat.

There's a big number ‘23’ on the door when he gets there. Changkyun wonders how he'd missed it the first time. Probably because he was so stressed.

But now that he's here, he hesitates. Lifts his fist up to rap on the door, then pauses. Drops his arm back down to his side. He'd all but run here after meeting Hoseok, making only a quick, five minute stop back home. Maybe it would have been better to check that Hyungwon was home and willing to talk first. He groans, leans his head against the wall next to Hyungwon's door.

“Changkyun? What are you doing here?”

Changkyun leaps away from the wall, spinning round. Hyungwon's standing in the corridor, backpack on one shoulder, art folder in the other hand. In a long wool coat over a forest green jumper and dark jeans. His fringe hanging in his eyes.

“Uh,” Changkyun says. “I was looking for you.” He kicks his heels against the wood panelled floor. “But I shouldn't have just dropped in without warning, I'm sorry—”

“No, it's fine,” Hyungwon says. He steps up to Changkyun, shifting the art folder to his other hand so he can fish his keys out of his pocket and unlock the door. He holds the door open for Changkyun. “Come in, please.”

The flat looks just as Changkyun remembered it. He stands in the same spot, watches with an idle sense of deja vu as Hyungwon drops his things on the sofa.

“It’s good to see you,” Hyungwon says, smiling faintly. Changkyun can't tell if he's just being polite or if he means it. “I — I missed being able to talk to you.”

Changkyun blinks. “Me too,” he replies. Their eyes meet, and a crackle of electricity leaps between them. Changkyun looks away. “I, uh,” he mumbles.

“Is there something you wanted to say to me?” Hyungwon asks. He quirks a smile. “Or did you just miss me?”

His tone is so light, so teasing — it almost feels like the way it used to be. Changkyun's heart stutters. Is this just friendly Hyungwon? Or is it flirty Hyungwon? 

“I — um, just—” his words trip over each other, and Changkyun could kick himself. How is he already this flustered? The effect Hyungwon seems to have on him can be so frustrating. Particularly when he’s trying to talk about something serious. “I had something to say.”

Hyungwon sits down on the sofa, tilts his head at Changkyun questioningly. Waits for Changkyun to continue. But Changkyun doesn’t know  _ how  _ to say what he wants to say. He worries at his lower lip.

“You said we should use the break to think about things,” he says. His eyes dart along the ground, then up to Hyungwon, then back to his shoes. “So I did. I thought about things.”

“Okay,” Hyungwon replies. “I did too.” He smiles at Changkyun, and Changkyun wants to scream. What the hell does that mean? But he doesn’t say anything, and Hyungwon just continues, “What did you think about?”

Changkyun frowns, runs one hand through his hair in frustration. He can do this. Just be honest and vulnerable about his feelings. It’s not so hard, right.  _ Right? _

“The thing is,” he says, and his voice sounds a little loud. Hyungwon’s eyes widen in mild alarm. Changkyun clears his throat, tries again. “The thing is,” he repeats, at a more normal volume. “I had always been fucking terrified of being in a relationship. Like, relationship with a capital-R. That was how it was with Hoseok, how it’s always been with me.”

Hyungwon makes a quiet noise of assent. “Yeah,” he says. “I get that.”

“Yeah,” agrees Changkyun emphatically. “Right. So — the whole Hoseok thing was especially confusing, because I turned him down, but then he found someone else almost immediately after, and I hadn’t, and it felt like I had lost.”

Unlike Hoseok, Hyungwon doesn’t point out that it’s not a competition. He just smiles wryly. “I get that too,” he says.

Changkyun nods. “And I know I was really hung up on Hoseok hyung and all weird about it,” he says. “But it was just that weird competitive thing, you know? It wasn’t that I wanted to be with him, or anything.”

“Okay,” Hyungwon says. His voice lilts upwards like it's a question. 

“I talked with Hoseok earlier. Told him everything. The whole — fake dating thing. Closure, you know.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because!” Changkyun cries out in frustration. “I know why you said we had to end things, before the break. It was all messy and complicated and there was so much lying. But there’s no more lying now.” He pauses, looks at Hyungwon plaintively. “I’ve told everyone the truth. And I’m standing here now, telling you the truth.”

Hyungwon frowns at Changkyun. He looks genuinely bewildered. “Wait, what?”

“I know you’re afraid,” Changkyun continues, the words just tumbling out of him now. “And I’m sorry that I made you feel like you had anything to be afraid about.” He bites on the inside of his cheek, struggling to find the right way to say what he wants to say. “To be honest, I was afraid too. Fucking petrified. But something about you makes me — not as scared. And I went with that, instead of following my fears, and now here I am.”

“Changkyun-ah, what do you want from me?”

This conversation isn’t going at all the way Changkyun wanted, and he’s close to screaming with frustration. Tears prickle at the back of his eyes. “I get it, I really do, if you don’t me back,” he stammers out. Presses the heels of his hands into his eye sockets because he absolutely  _ will not _ cry. “I don’t blame you. But please, trust me when I say I’m  _ for real _ this time.”

“I’m sorry,” Hyungwon says, leaping in at the first breath Changkyun takes, the first pause in his spiel. Changkyun’s heart stops. Then Hyungwon shakes his head, but there’s a broad grin on his face, and Changkyun feels like he’s lost sight of what’s going on. Hyungwon tilts his head at Changkyun. He looks almost amused. “Are you asking me out?”

Changkyun freezes. “Did I — did I not lead with that?”

Hyungwon chuckles. “No, you just leapt into the ‘I know you’re afraid’ speech.”

Heat floods Changkyun’s cheeks. “Oh,” he says, deflating slightly. So much for his grand speech. “Well, yeah. I wanted to ask if you would go out with me. For real. No fake dating or anything.”

“You really should have led with that,” Hyungwon says, getting to his feet. He steps closer to Changkyun, still grinning. Changkyun’s heart starts to hammer against his chest.

“I thought I did,” Changkyun grumbles. “I’m incredibly emotionally overwhelmed. And I thought you were rejecting me.”

Hyungwon raises his eyebrows. “You still don’t know I’m not rejecting you,” he points out.

Changkyun scrunches up his face in frustration. “I  _ know that,” _ he says. 

A laugh, bright and carefree, escapes Hyungwon. It makes Changkyun’s heart soar with hope. He looks up at Hyungwon. “Are you just going to keep me hanging, or what?” he asks. He sounds a lot braver, more confident, than he feels.

Hyungwon pauses for the briefest of seconds. Probably just to fuck with Changkyun’s mind. 

Then he smirks. “Yeah, okay, I’ll go out with you for real, you fucking gremlin.”

And then he leans down, one hand on the back of Changkyun’s neck, and kisses him.

Changkyun’s a little startled, but Hyungwon’s lips are warm, and soft, just the way he remembered them being. The fact that he gets to feel them on his own lips again — his mind is spinning into overdrive. Desire coils in his gut and he brings his hands up to Hyungwon’s face, cups his jawline as he leans into the kiss, lips parting breathlessly. Hyungwon’s tongue swirls into his mouth, and Changkyun is almost delirious with happiness as he stands there in almost-disbelief, kissing this giant with the snarky sense of humour and the annoyingly floppy fringe and—

Changkyun breaks away from the kiss abruptly. Hyungwon blinks at him in confusion.

“Sorry, hang on, I was just reminded of something,” Changkyun says. He reaches into his pocket, pulls out the headband Hyungwon had returned to him. Shoves it back at Hyungwon. “You’re not allowed to give this back to me,” Changkyun declares. “Take it back.”

Hyungwon stares at the headband that’s now in his hands. Looks up at Changkyun with pure mirth in his eyes. “You’re really fucking weird, you know that?”

“Yes, I know,” Changkyun replies. “And I guess you’re stuck with me now.”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling. “Yeah, I guess I am,” he says. 

And then he kisses Changkyun again.

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


There's a lot for them to talk about, a lot of emotional issues to work out. But there are no more lies, no more pretending, and instead Changkyun gets to lie in bed, wrapped up in Hyungwon's arms, just letting whatever pops into his mind slip past his lips. 

And Hyungwon is the same, starting out with a mini-rant about how he'd fallen for Changkyun midway through the whole charade and gotten too attached and how difficult it had been for him to let Changkyun go. It makes Changkyun cry, which makes Hyungwon cry, then both of them are a sobbing mess in each other's arms. But Changkyun thinks it was good for them. 

They also come clean about the whole scheme to their friends — which now includes Minhyuk and Hyunwoo and Hoseok and it should be weird but it really isn't. It becomes a sort of inside joke, and — much to Kihyun's endless annoyance — Minhyuk delights in taking any available opportunity to offer himself up as a fake boyfriend for any of them who needs it.

In the end, though, the only thing that matters is that Changkyun's found the one person he doesn’t need to pretend with. The one person with whom he feels like he can be completely and unabashedly himself. It's almost funny, that he'd found his truth by telling a lie. In another way, it's perfectly fitting that it was under the guise of a pretence that Changkyun was finally able to be himself.

He sits now, beneath the shade of a large tree, watching as Hyungwon argues with Kihyun about something probably inconsequential, Changkyun wasn’t paying attention. Hoseok leaps to Hyungwon's defence, and Changkyun smiles. Who would’ve thought, just a few months ago, that they would see this day?

Hyungwon's hair falls into his face, and reaches up to push it back. Changkyun can't stop staring. Hyungwon is beautiful, he thinks, but more so because of who he is. Because of how gentle and kind he is, but also how playful and secretly easily flustered. Everything about him just radiates this wondrous glow and Changkyun is helpless to resist.

Then Hyungwon seems to notice Changkyun staring. He pauses, turns. A slow smile breaks out across his face as Changkyun refuses to look away or blink, just smirks as he keeps staring at his boyfriend.

“Kyun-ah,” Hyungwon complains. “What are you doing?”

Changkyun shrugs, still smirking. “Looking at you,” he replies.

Kihyun pulls a face. “Gross, get a room.”

Hoseok laughs, leaning back into Hyunwoo. Jooheon gives Changkyun a hearty shove on the shoulder while Minhyuk just giggles and coos about how cute they are.

“Changkyun-ah,” Hyungwon whines, covering his face with one hand. He's a lot shyer than Changkyun had realised at first. That's just another side of him that Changkyun is allowed to see, now that neither of them need to pretend anymore.

“Hey,” Changkyun says, reaching out and tugging at Hyungwon's wrist to pull him closer. “I want a kiss.”

Kihyun makes a disgusted noise, but Changkyun ignores him. Jooheon cheers loudly. Hyungwon ignores them and leans forward, ne hand gently cupping the side of Changkyun's face. 

When they kiss, Changkyun lets his eyes fall shut. Hyungwon nips lightly at his lower lip, and Changkyun smiles into the kiss. He feels Hyungwon smiling back. 

Then they break apart, and there's a pink flush on Hyungwon's cheeks. It's Changkyun's favourite colour. 

Their friends have gone back to ignoring them, now huddled over Minhyuk’s phone so he can show them a picture of something. Hyungwon interlaces his fingers with Changkyun's. “I love you,” he says.

Changkyun smiles. “I love you too.”

The corners of Hyungwon's lips quirk upwards. “For real?”

Laughter bubbles giddily out of Changkyun. 

“Yes, you idiot,” he replies. “For real.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD!!! we've finally reached the end of this fic!! thank you so much to everyone for reading, kudosing, commenting - I appreciate all the support you've shown me and hyungkyun so much ♡ I hope you enjoyed the way it ended as much as you've seemed to have enjoyed the way it proceeded. I had originally planned some sort of big romantic confession by kyun, but it felt so much more in character and suited to their relationship for it to be lowkey, and for kyun to kinda mess it up as well. I like the way it all turned out, and I hope you do too! please do let me know what you though of that whole journey, and thank you so much again for all your love ♡♡♡
> 
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